Love

List of things I love:

• Kristina
• Mette
• Nathalie
• my sisters
• Lucifer
• my parents
• cigarettes
• booze
• twitter
• tumblr
• apple products
• music
• drawing
• candles
• linkin park
• volbeat
• sunshine
• strawberries
• milk
• coffee
• nailpolish
• concerts
• shopping
• baresso
• make up
• stilettos
• duvets and pillows
• sleeping
• prescription drugs
• noodles
• texting
• sex
• flirting
• getting wasted
• laughing really hard
• talking on the phone for hours
• summer
• dogs
• cats
• all animals
• leather jackets
• falling asleep to music
• staying up late
• watching movies
• large sweatshirts and hoodies
• when somebody says they love me
• travelling
• cuddling
• having coffee with my parents
• singing with Kristina and Mette in my car
• mine and Mette's freakshow
• watching Kristina sleep
• my old classmates
• dancing
• lady gaga
• crying
• IKEA
• pulling my own hair
• being hugged from behind
• holding hands
• being in love when it is returned the same
• breaking stuff with a bat
• kissing
• editing photographs
• my bed
• my car
• bags
• being there for people
• blonde baby boys with blue eyes
• having a beer and a cigarette
• giving people gifts
• surprising others
• writing poems
• singing
• screaming
• Freaking out on people
• photographing
• walking in the city in the middle of the night
• crisps
• chocolate
• rain
• festivals
• dancing and lip-syncing in front of the mirror
• complimenting people
• when people ask me to dance
• when my girlfriends actually wants to dance with me at parties or at clubs
• putting on nail polish with Mette and Kristina
• getting drunk with my wife - 2 man party on the floor
• nathalie's long island ice teas
• reuniting with people I haven't seen for a long time
• tattoos
• coloring hair with my wife
• piercings
• piercing my friends
• buying stuff on the internet
• singing along to loud music
• videos where people fall or get hurt
• cleaning
• going on dates
• telling people how much I love them
• the relationship I have with my bigsister

Potential

Today I met a potential roommate. I wanted to meet him down town before going to his apartment to see it. Just to make sure he wasn't a 53 year-old rapist named Henning.
We met for coffee and he was very nice. He seemed like a great guy. I could imagine living with him. There's just one problem... He's cute. Nice + cute = attraction. I'm the kind of person who is always prepared, and thinks of all the stuff that MIGHT COULD happen. What if it turned into at little flirt? What if I started liking him? What if he started liking me? What if what if whatif whatif whatifwhatifwhatif....

But I'm positive. We might get good friends? I might not even move in with him. I might hate the apartment? But hey, he's nice. Let's see.
He's 25 and his name is Monzer. Let's see what happens.

Brighter lights in Copenhagen

A lot has happened since I last updated you guys. Yes, I got kicked out of school. My principle put me on hold for the year out, saying I could take third year over again. Like that's gonna happen. Two weeks after my big breakdown, I made a decision. A huge decision that was gonna turn my life upside down. I decided to move away from home. I moved to the opposite side of the country. I now live in a basement room below my sister and her boyfriend's apartment. I moved from the countryside to the capital. Yes, I now live in Copenhagen.
It was a big decision, but I cannot say it was a hard decision to make. I had nothing left to do in Jutland. I lost everything. The only thing that made me get up in the morning. After getting kicked out of school, I slept for days. I cried, slept, woke up, went to the bathroom, slept, woke up, cried, ate, went back to sleep.. I couldn't get myself to face the reality, so I just slept. I slept to keep away the pain.
My sister suggested that I could come and move in with her and her boyfriend. I had to think about it, cause it was a big decision in the middle of my chaotic state of mind. I did it. I moved.
When I first got here, my sister and I started looking for jobs for me. The first day I went out with job applications I was nervous. I handed over 6 applications that day. The next day I went out there again, and while handing over my 7th application I was offered a jobinterview right away. Sure I thought, and guess what - I got the job. Right then and there. I'm starting this week. I am a substitute at a kindergarden. I'm gonna work with small children. I am so glad. 2 weeks after getting kicked out of school, I had a job AND a place to live in Copenhagen.
We are renovating the basement I am going to live in. Today I finished painting all of the walls, and tomorrow we are going to paint the floor. THEN I'll be ready to move my stuff in, and we'll be going to IKEA on friday, to find me some new furniture. I've never been to IKEA before, so that's gonna be exiting.

Oh, and by the way... I'm going to a Simple Plan concert tomorrow!!! I'm so exited!! I love them! - the only con about it is, that I am going to the concert alone. Non of my friends like the music I like, and the once that do, doesn't have any money or don't have the time or whatever excuse.

That was all for this time, hope to update you guys soon again. This is a post written on a sleepless night. It's 2 AM, so I better try to sleep. Cya guys.

A 50/50 chance

In 20 minutes I have a meeting with my principal. There's a 50/50 chance that I'm getting kicked out of school. I am so scared. I swear I am so scared I could shit my pants. The odds are low, and I'm not sure what I want. I'm not sure what's best. I just don't wanna take 3rd year over again. I won't do that. If I get kicked out, I'm out of business, but god damnit, I'm not sure I can handle it. I hate this. So nervous.
I'll let you know when I'm done at the meeting.

Find me on twitter for instant check-ups. @KiriRehmeier

Fuckingshitfuckcrapshitfuckhelpcrapshitfuckfuckingfuck

I have so many things going through my head. I don't know how to get them out. Most of them are so dark, that I can't tell anyone. It's like.. I'd scare people. I do not wish to scare people, so I just keep all this shit to myself. It's either that, or worrying people, and I don't wanna be a burden.
I feel like. Theres only one person in the world who truly understands, and I can't be with her. She's busy and so far away.. And I feel like I'm dying without her. I hate this.
I'm useless. I can't do anything right. I'm gonna get kicked out of school soon, so I won't even have achieved anything during these three years of struggle. I just can't take it anymore!!

Frustration

I have an assignment. Big one. The last HUGE assignment at school. I'm stuck. I can't get any further. I'm not even close to finishing it. I have less than 24 hours to finish it.
If I don't make it I will kill myself.
I'm chain smoking because I'm so frustrated.. I don't know what to do.

I'm just not sure I'm gonna make it. I'm not sure I can do that.

The Zone

I have fallen in love with some new music. There's an artist called The Weeknd, and I'm completely sold. Really. His real name is Abel Tesfaye. He's a 22 year-old genius. I love all of his songs, but one that I especially like is one called "The Zone". You can listen to it right here.
While listening to his music, I feel like I'm on some sort of trip. Like I'm floating in a whole new dimention. It's amazing. I just love it.

If you haven't heard - listen to it! You can listen to all of the songs by The Weeknd right here.

I know it's been too long since I wrote here the last. I've just been extremely busy. Bare with me.

a song that describes me right now

Lay Me Down - Crossfade


It's over, I quit.
I'm about as lifeless as it gets
It's not like I'm worth saving anyways.
I don't belong here, I never really wanted to be here.
Why can't somebody else take my place.
Lay me down, I'm so tired.
Empty Inside, alive and uninspired.

I'm useless, I'm done.
I've written letters to the ones
I've loved so much that it hurts to say goodbye.
I don't wanna die, I just don't don't wanna be alive.

Lay me down, I'm so tired.
Empty Inside, alive and uninspired.

Lay me down, I'm so tired.
Empty Inside, alive and uninspired!

(Lay me down)
Yea, I feel such a feelin' that I never knew
Something I always thought I couldn't do.
But you don't know anything
That makes me feel life
Except making you bleed five times,
In one night.
You know you deserved it.

12 Days..

Honestly.. I never liked Medina. I still don't. But this song just describes a time in my life so perfectly. Exactly my words, just said with a voice that doesn't belong to me. But here it goes:

So.. If the person whom this is dedicated to ever listens to this, and reads this.. Well just listen. And then please call me.

Pain

I've been listening to the same song over and over trying to figure out what is really going on in my mind. I have no idea what to think. The thing is.. I know how I feel, but I'm not sure I can allow myself to feel it. You see, feeling stuff usually leads to suffering, pain or regret. I don't regret. I don't regret a single thing. Not a single thing I've said, done or any of the millions of tears I've cried over this. Was I really that unimportant to you?
It's just.. Loss? It can really rip your soul apart. I really thought that the word "forever" meant something. Something real.. Didn't it? You know, I hate being wrong. It's just not my thing. I'm stubborn and I hate admitting I was wrong.
I've considered driving those extra miles, whenever I was around south. Every time the thought would cross my mind. But I didn't do it. Because I can't predict the reaction I'd get.
I... I don't know what to say.. I wish you would just be the one talking. So I could know what you're thinking.
Just.. anything I guess