I have trich.

I have a confession. I have been trich'ing for hours straight now, and I haven't found the strength to stop until now. I just thought I'd tell you a little something about a thing that I'm dealing with right now. I have Trichotillomania. In case that doesn't ring a bell, it is classified as an impulse control disorder. It is basically a compulsive urge to pull your own hair out.

Now the second sentence of this post suddenly make sense. Yes. I have been sitting for hours straight and pulled my own hair out of my scalp. Crazy? Maybe. I am not the one to judge. I know for a fact that this is an illness, but that it is something I am in control of myself. But since when is that uncommon? We see it all the time!
Anorexia: Start eating - Bulimia: Stop purging - Obesety: Lose weight - Depression: Smile - Self harm: Stop hurting yourself.
This is to prove a point - it isn't something you can just stop, and or, start doing - Okay? People think "Why do you do that? Stop it." Well wow! You can't just tell a bulimic to stop purging from one day to another can you? Tell an anorexic to start eating? NO GOD DAMNIT! So what is it people don't understand? You can't just stop this either! Mental health is not something you get by just snapping your fingers! AND IT DOESN'T HELP THAT YOU JUST TELL ME TO STOP DOING IT, OR THAT I NEED TO STOP!!

So.. I have been pulling my hair in many different ways since I was a child. The earliest memory I have of myself doing it, was in fourth grade. I was 10 years old, sitting at my table in class. I remember playing with my hair and not being able to stop. I just wanted to feel it between my fingers. So I kept playing with it. This went on for years, but then I stopped. It has been on and off since then. I stopped again when I was 17 I think, and didn't do it for about two years. Then I relapsed and now I am doing it again. Only this time I googled it, and found out that it is actually a disease, and not just a bad habit that you can just get rid of, just like that. I wanted to spread the word, because not many people know about this illness. It is more common than you realize. And much more serious than it seems. Having to deal with the hairloss, the shame, trance, people pointing it out, the questions, covering up, but most of all the urge. It sucks. Trichotillomania truly fucking sucks. And it's nothing to make fun of.

I trust my readers, therefore I trust you with this deep deep confession of mine.
I was crying when I wrote this. 

Blog challenge day 2

Beskriv det du er afhængig af.

Oh.. I mit tilfælde er der jo mange ting xD ..

Først og fremmest er jeg fuldblods addict til gule king's. De bedste smøger i verden. Jeg har prøvet mange forskellige, på trods af at jeg kun har været ryger i omkring 2½ år. Jeg ryger mellem 15 og 20 om dagen. Pueha Kiri!

Derudover er jeg dybt afhængig af sort kaffe. Dagen er ikke begyndt før jeg har fået min første kop kaffe. En VØ time kan ikke overleves uden en dejlig kop kaffe. Derudover er det udelukket at tage en smøg i skolen uden der står en varm kop kaffe og venter på en når man kommer ind.

Tjah.. Jeg er også tryghedsnarkoman. :b Og så går jeg fuldstændig i stå hvis der går for længe mellem at jeg ser mine næreste venner.. Og så er jeg nød til at dobbettjekke at jeg har låst min bil før jeg går fra den?

Når ja, og musik! Kan ikke gå en dag uden mit music'fix <3

At spytte

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Yeah, you heard me! Nu er jeg jo fast ryger, og ryger omkring 20 smøger på en almindelig dårlig dag, hvilket vil betyde at jeg er ude og ryge i hvert frikvarter. Uden for mit klasselokale har vi fliser, og et trin vi kan sidde på mins vi ryger. Noget der undre mig er: Hvorfor spytter rygerdrengene HELE TIDEN!? Det er da ikke særlig lækkert? Altså, jeg kan da godt selv finde på at spytte én gang, når jeg har røget færdig, men det er sjællent det sker. Men uden for klassen, er fliserne helt plettede lige fra morgenstunden, fordi de alle sammen står og spytter igen og igen. Har i mistet evnen til at synke eller hva? Eller er det fordi i ikke kan lide smagen af røg i jeres mund, for i så fald - hvad laver i så herude? Men egentlig er det ikke så meget spyttet der irritere mig. Det genere mig ikke at de står og lader deres kropslige væsker flyde, det er mere det faktum at de gør det på fliserne. Der er jord du kan spytte i, hvis du tog én skridt til venste mester? Jeg synes det er træls at man ikke bare kan gå, uden at tænke over om man træder i en andens mundvand. Nasty!