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6. feb. 2013

Blog challenge day 23

And I'm back on the blog challenge again. Hope you've all had a nice beginning of 2013.

"Something that you miss"








If there is a thing I miss, it is the time
I spend having road-trips with Mette,
where we sang Lady Gaga songs out
loud in my car, on the way to
Kristina's apartment. Not so much the
stuff we did in the apartment, but the
fact that we spend so much time together.
We had so much fun and it as so lovely.
I love those girls so much, and I really
miss spending time with them.

14. jan. 2013

Apartment pics

Here are the pictures you've wanted

I've moved into my new apartment, and I really love it there. I want all my friends to come see it, but none of them really got time. Been spending time there with my family, boyfriend and alone, and I've been busy all weekend, setting things up and making it my own. Here are some pictures. Hope you guys are good.

xo






20. dec. 2012

Blog challenge day 20

"Your fears"

I am diagnosed with anxiety, so I have many fears. I'm just gonna mention some of my phobias, because they are less personal.

Clowns
I am terrified of clowns, and a few years back I went to the circus with my smaller siblings and a friend. My friend held me while they were on stage, and when they went out to the audience, I cried like I was about to be brutally murdered. I hate clowns, they are so scary. The worst clown is the McDonalds clown, because it is a clown and it stands for a company that I find repulsing. End of it.

People in full body costumes with masks
You know, like the ones running around in Disneyland. A huge teddy bear or a Mickey Mouse can scare me to death. My friends know this and they usually hold me, while walking a big circle around them on the street.. While I'm hyperventilating and halfway crying. I hate it and it is embarrassing, but that's what I'm afraid of.

Losing
My greatest fear is losing a loved one. Nothing can terrify me like the thought of losing my friends, sisters or parents. I love them so much and I don't know how I'd get by without them. I am just very awful at losing.

18. dec. 2012

Blog challenge day 17


"Something that you're proud of"

If there is something that I'm proud of, it's my girls. Kristina and Mette, we've been close friends for a long time, and I love them so dearly. We've been through so much together, and I couldn't be more proud, than when I see how far they've come! Trust me, I've seen them both at their lowest and I've been there through it all, and I feel like I've watched flowers bloom after a long long winter. I've seen two people go from surviving to living, and if that isn't worth being proud of, I can't think of anything that is. 
These girls are the greatest people I've ever met. I've never met such honest, loving, supportive people as them, and they have the biggest hearts. Hearts so large to stay by my side while I was in the same place, even though they had their own problems, they were there for me - all the way. 
It's been a hell of a ride, but I've seen these two women transform. It's been like watching night turn into day, looking at them is like looking at the most beautiful sunrise. I've held them while they cried, I've listed when they opened their hearts, and I've found friends for life. I am so glad we took this journey together, cause I don't think any of us could have made it on our own. This leaves me without a doubt to the conclusion, that I am never gonna give up on the friendship that I have with them. I am gonna try, for the rest of my life, to repay these two, and help them as much as I can - Because they helped me save myself. (Oh god I'm crying and getting really emotional here..)
I am so proud. Of all of us. We made it girls. We made it out of the darkness. And together we are greater. ❤

8. dec. 2012

Blog challenge day 8

"What you ate today"

Today I was a fatass :-) I've had pasta with cream and cheese sauce, spinach, mushrooms and asparagus. Then I had 2 pancakes and some chrisps, and now I'm just getting drunk, cause I'm taking my lady out tonight. We're going to Club Christopher. Cya tomorrow for something a little more interesting :b

2. dec. 2012

Update #2

I've been at my parents this weekend. Friday I was with my friend, and we had a nice evening together before she leaves for Australia. I'm glad I had the chance to say goodbye and give her, her Christmas present. It was a t-shirt, and she liked it. I'm glad.
Saturday evening I went to my friend's place an he made us dinner, and we just had a nice time together. We watched Date Night, one of my favorite comedies, and I finally got to see Ted. It was so awesome, I laughed so hard. It was great seeing him again.

I'm on the train on my way back to Copenhagen now. There is group therapy tomorrow, and after that I have a single session with my therapist. Tomorrow is the last day of group therapy for me. It's so sad, I'm gonna miss them so much! Amazing people. <3 Still have a few sessions left with my therapist, but I'll be done there before Christmas.
Tomorrow I am gonna call the one person in the world whom I hate the most. It's a challenge, but I want to do it. But I still hope he gets cancer and suffers a slow and painful death :-))) but enough about my feelings of vengeance. I won't be home until about 10 pm -.- I'm always home late. Tomorrow I'll be washing clothes all day, when I'm done with therapy. It's all in the laundry basket, so my drawers are empty. Bwaah. Cya guys. (:

28. nov. 2012

Another update

My best friend is leaving Denmark to go to Australia for three months. I'm gonna miss her. She's leaving this Tuesday, an I only get to see her Friday. I really hope she has the time of her life. She deserves to get away from Denmark for a little while, and I'm sure it'll be good for her.
I'm sitting in the train on my way home from Alexander. Going back to Copenhagen. I'm gonna see my therapist tomorrow. I can't wait. It's been weeks since we've had a session, just the two of us. I'll be done with therapy soon, oh I'm so nervous. I have to frame and hang stuff from the book on my walls. I don't want to forget all of these great things I've learned. I'm gonna miss my therapist so much. She's the most talented professional I've ever had the honor to talk to. She's just so great.
After therapy tomorrow I'll probably clean up the apartment a little bit, and then I'll have to pack my stuff again and go to my parents. Then I'll say properly goodbye to my friend on Friday, and I'll probably just stay the rest of the weekend at my parents.
Have a nice time you guys.

29. sep. 2012

Forklaring

Jeg er forvirret, og jeg synes det er svært. 
Trods erfaring, har jeg virkelig intet lært?
Vil ikke slippe, men er jeg klar til at holde?
"Hvad-nu-hvis"-tankerne frier sig at udfolde,
Hvad nu hvis jeg måtte dig såre?
Jeg ville ikke kunne bære dine tårer.

Jeg er på bar bund, hvad skal jeg gøre?
Hver af dine tårer ville jeg dog tørre.
Men den må stoppe her, for jeg kan intet fastholde,
Vil stadig beskytte dig med svær og skjolde.
Ja, livet er en kamp og vi må udkæmpe den sammen,
I en hektisk distance er det svært at holde til larmen.

Dit galoperende hjerte må du standse,
Jeg kan intet mærke, og derfor ikke danse.
Jeg er hoppet af følelsernes tog,
Over dem er der blevet lagt et låg.
De er der et øjeblik, men så fjerne i det næste,
Og med dig min egen, vil jeg aldrig lade dem teste.

Jeg ville hjertens gerne, men jeg må atter tøve,
For på dit lille hjerte vil jeg dem aldrig afprøve.
Jeg ville ønske jeg kunne give dig noget mere,
Men jeg har kun ét hjerte, jeg kan ikke give dig flere.
Jeg har nået konklusionen, at jeg intet kan bevare,
Intet kan jeg holde fast, og jeg har prøvet at forklare.

13. jun. 2012

for her


Click to play this Smilebox slideshow

Because you're the only one for me.

7. maj 2012

Missing loner

Lying in the dark. I feel so alone. I'm lonely every day. Since I moved I've started feeling more alone than ever. I miss people. I miss my friends, I miss my cat, I miss my mum! I miss my mum so much... I miss having coffee with her. Laughing with her.. I miss having her around when I'm sad. I'm sad a lot, and I miss her so much.. Pathetic? Maybe. But at least I'm mature enough to admit it..

My days are empty. I have do purpose at the moment. I'm pathetic. I'm worthless. I'm shit.

24. apr. 2012

Love

List of things I love:

  • Kristina
  • Mette
  • Nathalie
  • my sisters
  • Lucifer
  • my parents
  • cigarettes
  • booze
  • twitter
  • tumblr
  • apple products
  • music
  • drawing
  • candles
  • linkin park
  • volbeat
  • sunshine
  • strawberries
  • milk
  • coffee
  • nailpolish
  • concerts
  • shopping
  • baresso
  • make up
  • stilettos
  • duvets and pillows
  • sleeping
  • prescription drugs
  • noodles
  • texting
  • sex
  • flirting
  • getting wasted
  • laughing really hard
  • talking on the phone for hours
  • summer
  • dogs
  • cats
  • all animals
  • leather jackets
  • falling asleep to music
  • staying up late
  • watching movies
  • large sweatshirts and hoodies
  • when somebody says they love me
  • travelling
  • cuddling
  • having coffee with my parents
  • singing with Kristina and Mette in my car
  • mine and Mette's freakshow
  • watching Kristina sleep
  • my old classmates
  • dancing
  • lady gaga
  • crying
  • IKEA
  • pulling my own hair
  • being hugged from behind
  • holding hands
  • being in love when it is returned the same
  • breaking stuff with a bat
  • kissing
  • editing photographs
  • my bed
  • my car
  • bags
  • being there for people
  • blonde baby boys with blue eyes
  • having a beer and a cigarette
  • giving people gifts
  • surprising others
  • writing poems
  • singing
  • screaming
  • Freaking out on people
  • photographing
  • walking in the city in the middle of the night
  • crisps
  • chocolate
  • rain
  • festivals
  • dancing and lip-syncing in front of the mirror
  • complimenting people
  • when people ask me to dance
  • when my girlfriends actually wants to dance with me at parties or at clubs
  • putting on nail polish with Mette and Kristina
  • getting drunk with my wife - 2 man party on the floor
  • nathalie's long island ice teas
  • reuniting with people I haven't seen for a long time
  • tattoos
  • coloring hair with my wife
  • piercings
  • piercing my friends
  • buying stuff on the internet
  • singing along to loud music
  • videos where people fall or get hurt
  • cleaning
  • going on dates
  • telling people how much I love them
  • the relationship I have with my bigsister

11. nov. 2011

Letter Challenge Day 16

Someone that’s not in your state/country


Dear Manca


How is everything in Slovenia? How is it going with that boy who completely fucked you over but turned out to be quite okay?
Congratulations on your weight loss! It's so amazing how you lost 10 lbs in just a few weeks! You truly know how to do it, I gotta admit that I'm jealous. 
Hope you're doing great, and to get a respond fast. 


xoxo love
Kiri Rehmeier

13. sep. 2011

Letter Challenge Day 15

A letter to the person you miss the most.

Dear Mette

I'm not sure how to combine the word "miss" with my feelings about you at the moment. Right now you are without a doubt, the person whom I send the most thoughts during the day. It's like you're a puzzle and I can't get all of the pieces to fit - and yet I still can. It's like I've been reading your mind lately. I ask you questions which I already know the answers to. I just want to hear it from your mouth.
I want to share my experiences with you, but I'm afraid it'll be for no good use. I know what you're going through - Trust me, I really really do. So I guess you could say I'm not reading your mind, but simply just having the knowledge to know that you're thinking exactly the same thoughts, that I did once.
I know what you want at the moment, and I know what it takes to learn the lesson - 'cause I did it too. You have to be stupid before you can learn to be wise. You have to be blind before you can learn to see. I guess I'm writing this because it has occurred to me, that the chance I have to make you see it clear, before it becomes pure horror; is very small. There are many ways in which I could try to make you see, but without your interest in knowing what I learned, it would be a waste of time for us both. When I was at the point in which you are right now I was stupid - people tried to make me see, but I was stupid because I didn't listen. I know that now. But honestly it would be a huge surprise if you weren't stupid like I was. In that case I must have misjudged the similarity between us - god I hope I have! A dream you get when you gain the knowledge that people in my place have, is to share your knowledge and stop just ONE person from making the same mistakes you did. Many of us never succeed. I'm not sure if I did at some point in my journey - But if I had to pick one particular person to be the one I stopped; No doubt that it'd be you. I mean... I love you so fucking much? No one should ever have to go through what I did - I wouldn't even wish this upon my worst enemy! And knowing that you're making the same mistake I did, which got to be the largest mistake of my life, and it's not in my power to make the right choice for you - IS AWFUL! It's not much different from watching your friend slit his wrists and then suffer a slow and painful death, while you're just watching. You want to interrupt, but you can't.

But sweetie, I'm not gonna try to force you into doing what I wish you would. Just know that I'm here for you every day, every night - ready to support, help, talk to or whatever you'd like. And the day you'll be ready to take in the knowledge, I will gladly tell you and help you understand. But just know this: I am not gonna judge you, I am not gonna blame you, and I am not gonna leave you. Even if you say you don't need me, I'll still be the one picking up the phone at 3 AM ready to listen and understand. A lot of people will listen, but only a few of them will understand.
You know you've got me - never be afraid to use it. I won't ask for anything in return, cause you've already given me so much.

Yours truly
Kiri Rehmeier

27. aug. 2011

Letter Challenge Day 14

A letter to someone you've drifted away from.

Dear André

We were like brother and sister once. We spend so many hours together when we were kids. We both had a fantasy which could bring the most of fun out of nothing. All the countless hours of playing in the garden with the little ones. Hide and seek, jumping on the trampoline, imaginary games, and swimming in the pool. Those childhood memories..

When you got sick, I spend countless hours worrying for you. Back then I looked at you as my brother, and watching you in pain was hard. After all we were just kids. I remember the party you threw when you had your last medication - I kissed you on the cheek, and I was so happy. So happy you wouldn't believe it. Unfortunately from that day on, we began to see each other less and less.

I often wondered how you were. How far you'd come in your life. I hadn't spoken with you for years, before Judas came along. We talked a little, and I found out how far you've come. I know it sounds corny to say that I'm proud, but I am. I think it's fantastic to see how far you've come. I'm glad that you're doing good. Really glad.

Rock on bro
Kiri Rehmeier

31. jul. 2011

Letter Challenge Day 10

A letter to a person you don't talk to as much as you'd like to.

Dear Rebekka

We haven't seen each other in a long time now. We have seen each other and said hello a couple of time, but we haven't really been together for years. When we were kids we used to see each other every weekend. We were best friends for eleven years. Then our contact kind of slipped away.
I continued the contact with your sister Trine, but when I was 15, and you were 13, the age-difference got too hard to ignore I guess. We simply lost stuff to talk about..

I look at you now, and I know that right now we'd have plenty of stuff to talk about. The problem is that we don't. You have other friends now, and so do I. My mum says that it'll come back. She says that real friends just don't disappear. That she and her best friend can go years without talking, but then when they do, it's like they never were apart. I hope that's what'll happen in our case.

I'd like to say that I love you, but I can't. It's been so many years, and it's like I don't know you anymore. I don't know if I love you. I don't know the person you've grown up to be.
But one thing I can say with honesty; I miss you. I miss our friendship, and I miss spending time with you. I hope you're good. I hope you'll get a good start on your education.

Dearest wishes of luck in the future
Kiri Rehmeier

26. jul. 2011

Letter Challenge Day 8

A letter to your favorite internet friend

Dear Lulle

I've known you for years, but never actually met you. You live in the opposite end of the country, but since I was in Copenhagen a few weeks ago, and didn't meet you while I was there - I regret that! I want to meet you so much really. I think you're an awesome person, and though we've never met, we know each other. We've read each others diaries for years now. I used to write every day, but now I never write anymore. I don't feel like it helps me anymore. But I still read yours and the others.
I often think of you and the others in the group. A lot of people, actually most the people who reads my blog, doesn't know from where we know each other, so I'm gonna explain.
About five years ago I joined a group on Arto for girls suffering from an eating disorder. From that group I now have many good friends. Most of us has come really really far, and some are even well today. This letter is for one of the girls from the group, but somehow you might say it's for everyone in the group. Anyone who ever commented on my diary. In this group we each had a diary in which we could write whatever we wanted. If I read the first couple of pages in my diary, I can clearly see that it's been years since I wrote it. Back then we wrote about food, disordered thoughts, weight and how much we hated our bodies. Now it's more of a real diary, where we write about life and our problems. I haven't really written in mine the last year.. I don't really feel like I need it anymore I guess..?

But EDs .. I love you. All of you. You've helped me so much. I don't know where I would have been if I hadn't had you to lean on at tough times. Some would have though the group was bad for us, but I really know we did the right thing. Most of us recovered a lot from what we was back then. You are so cool guys. The toughest girls I know. This letter is for you. Thank you so much - for everything.

Yours forever faithfully
Kiri Rehmeier

22. jun. 2011

Birthdays..

My birthday is in 17 days. It’s gonna be my 19th birthday, nothing special really. It’s just.. Even at my 18th birthday non of my friends had time to see me. It’s like.. I really put much into being there on my friends birthdays. I want it to be their day, and to make them have a good time. I have never forgotten a friend’s birthday.

Not talking about anybody in particular, just in general: I’ve never had friends who had time to be with me on my birthday. It’s in the summer holiday, and my friends has always been on vacation or to somebody else’s birthday party. Or having to work, didn’t have the money or they’ve come up with an excuse because they forgot, and didn’t got me a present. You see.. I don’t care about presents. That’s not what this is about. I don’t care about the stupid presents! Honestly I just care about the fact, that my friends spend a little off their precious time, to come see me on my fucking birthday? Is that too much to ask?
This year I’ve really been let down. Or that’s how I feel.. My sister and brother in law can’t see me at my birthday. They have another birthday party that day. As I told my mum; I fucking hope it’s a round birthday! And then my wife called - yeah, she’s having her graduation party the night before my birthday. My wife lives in the upper set end of Jutland than I do, so of course non of my friends who are coming to the graduation party, will have time or money to visit me the next day. So I’m probably gonna start my birthday with hangover, then a two hour drive home, to find that my parents are the only people who have time to drink a fucking cup of coffee with me. OH! And of course - my parents and siblings have to go to bed early on my birthday, cause they’re going to Copenhagen early the next morning!
… Nobody cares anyway.
Fml, Kiri

16. maj 2011

Spørgsmål

Hvis du skulle undskylde til en person hvem skulle det så være (mindst 1 person) .. og hvem er du mest skuffet over (mindst 1 person)

Trine.. Jeg vil gerne undskylde for, at jeg ikke kan være den veninde, du har brug for. Jeg er ked af, at jeg tænker på at hjælpe mig selv, når jeg burde tænke på dig frem for alt. Jeg er fandeme ked af, at det skulle ende sådan her.

Den person jeg er mest skuffet over, må jeg indrømme, at der er mig selv. Jeg har fejlet alt for groft i løbet af de sidste par år, og det ville være en kæmpeløgn hvis jeg sagde, at jeg ikke skammer mig over mig selv. Jeg tror jeg har gjort alt forkert, som der overhovedet er menneskeligt muligt, og jeg er bestemt skuffet over mig selv.

Spørgsmål fra formspring.me/KiriRehmeier

27. apr. 2011

fortæl om en, du beundrer


Jeg beundrer en af mine veninder, der hedder Julie. Hun har hele verden imod sig, men hun forbliver i tilværelsen, på trods af at hun kæmper den hårdeste kamp hver eneste dag. Hun er fantastisk, og jeg tror at når hun en dag står på den anden side af alt det her, så ved hun noget som vi andre ikke gør.

Spørgsmål fra Formspring.me

19. jan. 2011

Hjemme..



At føle sig hjemme

Nogle siger.. at hjemme er der hvor hjertet er. Andre siger at hjemme er der hvor man føler sig tryg. Nogle forbinder hjemme med der de er vokset op, andre med der de bor - eller der hvor deres forældre bor.

"hjemme er der hvor hjertet er.."
Jamen.. Hjertet er jo i ens krop? Hvad nu hvis man ikke føler sig hjemme i sin krop?

"hjemme er der hvor man føler sig tryg"
Jamen jeg føler mig jo ikke tryg nogle steder? Vil det sige at jeg ikke har noget hjem? At jeg aldrig er hjemme?