Blog challenge day 19

"Five items you lust after"

I don't really know how to find items that I lust for. I just chose some of the things I want or wish for.

1. My boyfriend.
He's so amazing. I love spending time with him, and he is just such wonderful company. And yeah, admitted - I lust for him. ;b He's funny (no you're not sweetheart), beautiful, sweet, sexy, loving and caring. I am so in love, and even though we might annoy each other sometimes, there are still so much about him that I love, and that I just can't get enough of. Other guys don't interest me, he's enough man for me. ❤

2. More hours pr. day.
The days are too short, I don't have time for anything! I just need for there to be five more hours in a day, it would solve all my sleeping problems, and I would actually have time for all the things I've got going on. If it was possible, that would be my biggest wish.

3. An apartment.
If I am to start at a school in Horsens after New Years I need to find an apartment there soon, I am getting desperate! I can't afford to commute daily. I just can't find a place that I can afford.. Damn it!

4. Getting into art school or the writers academy.
I really want to get into an education that I actually want and find interesting. I just don't think I have the grades nor the talent for it. I really want to qualify, and I'm gonna do the best I can, I just need to get everything right first. So help me god..

5. A new TV.
My TV is ancient, it is one my dad got cheap from his boss because he bought a new one. It's one of the first flatscreen TVs made, and compared to the newer ones, it is not flat at all. The sound sucks, and on most of my movies, it only plays the background sounds, and not the voices, so that sucks balls. I've wanted it for a long time, but I am just not willing to pay several thousand dkk for a tv, cause I don't use it that much, when I'm alone.

Lay me down

It's over, I quit.

I'm about as lifeless as it gets

It's not like I'm worth saving anyways.

I don't belong here, I never really wanted to be here.

Why can't somebody else take my place.

Lay me down, I'm so tired.

Empty Inside, Alive and uninspired.

I'm useless, I'm done.

I've written letters to the ones

I've loved so much that it hurts to say goodbye.

I don't wanna die, I just don't don't wanna be alive.

Lay me down, I'm so tired.

Empty Inside, Alive and uninspired.

Lay me down, I'm so tired.

Empty Inside, Alive and uninspired.

Yea, I feel such a feelin' that I never knew

Something I always thought I couldn't do.

But you don't know anything

That makes me feel life

Except making you bleed five times,

In one night.

You know you deserved it.

Survival

Survival.. It's a funny thing. We fight our whole lives for survival, though we all know, we are not gonna survive life anyway.

A wise man once said: "don't take life too serious, you're not gonna survive it anyway". I consider this a very wise quote. Do what you want to and have fun. Enjoy life - you only get one.
But another wise man told people to make something out of their lives, cause they would never get another. I do not know if you should fight to get a good and long life, or just live every day like there would be no tomorrow.
I do not know what would be the smartest thing.

Some say life is the largest gift you will ever get. What if I hate the fact that I got it?
What if I now wish not to be here? What if all I wanna be is....... Nothing? Gone? Air maybe?
Yes, I would like to be air. I wish that, when the next blow of the wind meets my skin, I would fade. Go along with the wind blow and be free.

Wait.. I think I just figured out what I want to..? I want to be free. I want to not be a prisoner in my own body and mind...

Blog challenge day 15

Hvad du går og ønsker dig for tiden ..

Jah..

For at forstå mit svar på dette spørgsmål, er man nød til at vide - som de fleste nok enten ved, eller har regnet ud - at jeg er depressiv.

De sidste 4 år jeg har lidt af en svær depression, skiftet medicin, prøvet alt hjælp der har været muligt.

Jeg har virkelig kæmpet - og jeg kæmper stadig.

Så mit ønske er simpelt. Meget ligetil egentlig.

Det jeg ønsker mig ALLERMEST .. er at blive fri fra denne onde psykiske lidelse. Det gør så frygteligt ondt, og man kan ikke forestille sig hvor slemt det egentlig er, før man selv står på samme sted.

Og nej, der er ikke flere der behøver komme med de kommentarer som "Jeg er her for dig", "Det skal nok gå alt sammen" og "Det hele bliver godt igen". Hold nu bare kæft.

Men noget andet jeg ønsker mig, er at folk rent faktiskt holder kæft. At jeg ikke behøver at få fyrret det der pis i hovedet HELE TIDEN. Jeg tror sku jeg har hørt det nok gennem de sidste 4 år. Så nej tak.

Make a christmas wish (:

Et ønske

.. om intet

Jeg ønsker intet. Jeg ønsker ikke at leve, jeg ønsker ikke at dø. Jeg ønsker ikke at være, men heller ikke at være væk. Egentlig kan man vel sige at jeg ikke ønsker at føle. Jeg ønsker at være i en sovende tilstand hvor jeg hverken er lykkelig eller ulykkelig. Hvert sekund æder ulykken mig op indefra. Den brænder, det svider og lader alt positivt gå op i flammer.

Det føles som om der er et helved i mit bryst, og det gør ondt. Suger alt energi ud af det gode. Som at smide en levende og blomstrende gren på et blå, for så at se livet forsvinde ud af den. Blive fortæret og kvalt af ilden.