Blog challenge day 7

"Five pet peeves"

All right, I'd never heard that phrase before so let me explain; I looked up "pet peeves" in the beloved urban dictionary, and it said: "Stuff that people do that pisses you off". If that is true here it comes, if not - Please tell me!

Homophobia

If there is one thing that pisses me off, it is people going all homophobic while I'm present. I really can't see why people feel the need to bring others down because of their sexuality. Honestly I think that kind of disrespect is disgusting. People are people and love is love, and love can take all forms. I can't see what it is? Homosexuals are not wrong in any way, it's the homophobics that are wrong! Discriminating people and thinking they shouldn't have all the human rights that everyone else have, that's just too fucking wrong. Why can't we just let people be people? I'm pansexual. That means that I fall in love with a person, not the genitalia and gender of the person, but what is on the inside. I love my sexuality, because I don't discriminate anyone. Man, woman, transgender, I could still love you. So what's all this hate good for anyway? Besides I have so many gay friends, and I love them so much. One of my dearest friends is a lesbian, and the love that she and her girlfriend share is beautiful and pure, and I don't see how anyone could think wrong of that. I've been in love with girls before, and I've been in love with guys as well, does that make me wrong? Its love, so why are people hating?


People that ride their bikes in a pedestrian zone
There is a reason it is called a pedestrian zone, and that is not so that you can ride your fucking bike there. It's annoying for ALL the pedestrians there, and it just pisses me off, that people can respect that.



When people call me a punk

I am not a punk. Having piercings and stretches doesn't make me a punk. It's incredible how narrow-minded people are, how everything has to be put in a stereotypical box. I've been called a lot of things in my life, and I've always been the class rock-chick. I don't listen to whatever music everyone else listens to. I like rock, metal, punk, post-grunge and so forth, and because of that, I must be a punker. A punker was a style that was popular in the 80's, and if people knew what a punker really looked like, they would know that I am not one. I do not wear a lot of black makeup around my eyes, I do not have a long mohawk, and I don't wear back patches, so please hear me when I say I am not a punker. It is because of peoples lack of knowledge that this kind of misunderstandings find place. Pisses me off :-)

Racism
Get over yourself. Please just pull yourself together and accept the fact that the world can't be claimed, and that everyone should be able to come to your country if the conditions are better there. We are all human. Humans come in all sizes, shapes, colors and so on, and it pisses me off when people can't see that. Why is it so hard to accept that we are all the same? We are all alike. We might have different cultures, but there should be room enough for all of them right? And I CANNOT see the difference between a white person and a black person. If we bleed, is it not red? If we smile, do we not spread joy? Haven't we all got the right to live the life we've been given? All people have the same basics - we all have love and affection, so why is skintone so important? I live at Nørrebro in Copenhagen, which is the part of the city where most of the immigrants live, and I love living there. They meet so much hate from racism, that some of them get all surprised when you smile at them on the street. I do that cause no matter the language, we are all human and a smile always means the same. Spread the love right?

When people tell me; "stop touching your hair"

I have trichotillomania, and yes oh how people look at me in funny ways, because they really don't understand. But when my friends or family tells me to stop touching my hair, I get pissed. This is not something I just do because it's funny, it is an impulse control disorder, and I am doing everything I can already. I cut my hair short, and I was vulnerable - I flashed my bold spots, until the hair grew back, and that took courage, because it was EMBARRASSING! When people commented on it I wanted to bury myself alive with shame. I try, okay? There is no need to keep reminding me that this issue I have is freaky, weird, annoying or however the hell you can put it - So just shut up about it, it's non of your fucking business.

Blog challenge day 2

"Something you feel strongly about"

LIFE

There are so many people out there feeling like life isn't worth living. I'm serious, SO many more than you'd think. And I know that, because I used to be one of these people. If you feel like that, read on and know that things can change. You can change. It took me years to change this, but holy fuck I'm glad I changed! When you feel this way, you don't see how things can change, how things can get better. But they can. You just have to change the way you think. The way you look at things, and judge! Change that! Stop judging.

Live now
Yesterday is in the past, and you can't change the past - so why bother? Observe and describe what's here and now. Throw the shit you carry on your back away, leave it in the past where it belongs, and don't think about it. Accept what ever happened and move on. It's not as hard moving on than you might think. See it as a big fat sack of shit that you're just dragging around behind you - do you really need the content of that sack? Do you really need all of those things, feelings, thoughts that bring you down? No! Accept that it happened, and don't judge yourself or others, and just put it in the past and move on to what is right now. The future doesn't have to be of worry either. Don't worry.

Nattens dødelighed

Når du hastigt falder hen i drømme
Ligger jeg med sanserne på spids
Din arm om mig og følelser så ømme
Ej en nat før har jeg følt mig så tilfreds
Drømmer jeg monstro allerede
Eller er det sandt at du er til stede

Et glip med øjnene når jeg kysser dig
Dit tag om mig bliver lidt fastere
Intet jeg skal nå før lyset når mig
Ud over havet er der intet der haster
Et hav a drømme drukner os to
Aldrig har jeg haft en drøm så god

Den forsigtige hævelse af dit bryst
Et vemodigt suk mod min nakke
Jeg er sårbar men her findes trøst
Nøgen dog tryg med dig som frakke
Angst at falde hen i øjeblikket denne
Et øjeblik perfekt burde aldrig ende

Et godnatkys summer på mine læber
Stop tiden nu, lad natten vare evigt
Ånder sort ind knytter dine hænder
Fredsommelighed i dit smukke ansigt
Som et pust af sommer sukker du
Har aldrig været mere i live end nu

Jeg kysser nænsomt din bløde mund
Inden disse grønne glasøjne lukker
Kærtegn på læberne så blød og rund
Små ryk mens bevidstheden slukker
Denne smukke tiltalende virkelighed
Morgen blotter nattens dødelighed


af Kiri Rehmeier
den 14. november 2012

Crazy

I'm sitting in the train. It's like I'm in a trance. I can't think straight, and all I want is to smoke. What do I do? I calm myself down. How? I pull out my hair. I'm sitting with a huge pile of hair in my lap, and I don't want to throw it out. Because when you have to get rid of the evidence (the hair), you realise what you've done. Then I realise that people have been watching me for over an hour, while I was fully aware of it, but didn't care. They look at me like I'm crazy. I don.t bother, because while pulling I don't give a flying fuck about anything. It's like I'm floating and everything around me becomes quiet, and nothing is harmful. The feeling of the little white roots letting go of the follicle.. It's important to grab the hair by the roots just right, cause otherwise the hair will break, and the root doesn't come out, and the hair was wasted. That's how I feel. Unless you are a fellow sufferer from trichotillomania, you won't understand. I don't expect people to understand. I needed to write this for my own sake. Thank you.

To the person who destroyed my life

Kære Neve
Det er nu 48 dage siden at du smed mig ud fra Skive Handelsskole. Eller som du ville sige det "sat på standby". Nej, jeg er stadig ikke ovre det. Jeg tænker på det hver dag. Så nu vil jeg forsøge at få styr på mine følelser, gennem dette brev til dig.
Jeg føler at jeg har brugt for lang tid på at være ked af det, over det her - men jeg er fortsat ked af det. Dog har jeg i netop dette øjeblik, fået midlertidigt vendt min sorg til vrede. Hvem skal jeg være vred på? Mig selv først og fremmest, men det er ikke noget nyt, og det er egentlig en konstant følelse for en pige som mig. Men eftersom jeg har gået de sidste 48 dage og gået over hver eneste lille bitte detalje, omkring hele seancen den dag, må jeg indrømme, at en del af vreden også er tildelt dig. Jeg åbnede mit hjerte for dig og bad om hjælp, og din reaktion var at afvise mig. Hvad kalder man det? Hmm.. Der hvor jeg kommer fra kalder man det "at træde på én der allerede ligger ned"!!
Skolen var det sidste jeg havde at holde fast i, Henrik - Og det tog du fra mig. Du tog det fra mig. Du tog mit aller sidste holdepunkt, og lod mig falde. Og jeg faldt, åh om jeg faldt. Hvis jeg sagde til dig før, at mit liv var et helvede, så var det løgn. NU er mit liv helvede. Jeg brænder op indeni. Jeg sidder HVER EVIG ENESTE NAT, og tænker "Hvorfor ikke? Jeg har jo alligevel intet tilbage". Jeg har intet mål længere Neve, for det tog DU fra mig! Du tog det sidste jeg havde at holde fast i, og rev det fra mig, med så kort varsel at jeg ikke engang havde tid til at forberede mig på, hvad jeg skulle gøre. Og hvad gør jeg så? Jeg falder Neve! Jeg falder! Dybere og dybere for hver dag! Og det er vores skyld Neve! Din og min.
"Du er for syg til at gå her". Det var dine ord. For syg? Så psykisk syge har ikke ret til en uddannelse!? Er jeg for syg til at få en uddannelse!? Du SMED mig ud, om du vil indrømme det eller ej! Du tog alt fra mig! Jeg sidder her med en stor fed klump i halsen og tårer i øjenkrogene, mens jeg skriver det her. For er du klar over, hvor hårdt det er? Hvor hårdt det er at leve med absolut intet? At leve, når du ved at du ikke duer til noget? At du ikke kan noget? At ingen tror på dig? NEJ! For du aner ikke hvordan det er!! Du har ingen idé om hvor meget smerte du har forvoldt mig! Du troede du gjorde mig en tjeneste, og tog vægten af mine skuldre - men nej. Du skubbede mig ud over kanten, og nu har jeg intet tilbage.
Jeg har ramt bunden Neve. Dette er resultatet af din beslutning. Mit liv er intet værd længere. Jeg kunne lige så godt være død, og det ville være en lettelse for alle. For mig selv, min familie, mine venner, alle jeg kender, og alle jeg ville møde i fremtiden. Den eneste der ville lide skyld af det, er dig. Og åh hvor jeg ønsker at du skal føle skyld. Jeg ønsker at du skal lide ligesom jeg har lidt. Jeg ønsker at du skal LIDE under min beslutning, ligesom jeg har lidt under din. Jeg ønsker at du skal leve med smerte og skyld resten af dit liv, ligesom jeg har levet med det hele mit.
Så lyder spørgsmålet igen: Hvorfor ikke? Hvorfor tager jeg ikke bare mit eget liv, og gør en ende på alt den anger, vrede, skyld, sorg og angst, og som bonus får en hævn, du ikke kan undslippe? Hvorfor?
- Jo ser du.. Hvis jeg gjorde det, så ville du have vundet. Du lod mig sejle i min egen sø, og det ville være et nederlag at synke sig selv.
Jeg håber du får et langt og elendigt liv. Du er en afskyelig og ussel person. Brænd op i helvede, svin.

Kiri Rehmeier

Missing loner

Lying in the dark. I feel so alone. I'm lonely every day. Since I moved I've started feeling more alone than ever. I miss people. I miss my friends, I miss my cat, I miss my mum! I miss my mum so much... I miss having coffee with her. Laughing with her.. I miss having her around when I'm sad. I'm sad a lot, and I miss her so much.. Pathetic? Maybe. But at least I'm mature enough to admit it..

My days are empty. I have do purpose at the moment. I'm pathetic. I'm worthless. I'm shit.

Brighter lights in Copenhagen

A lot has happened since I last updated you guys. Yes, I got kicked out of school. My principle put me on hold for the year out, saying I could take third year over again. Like that's gonna happen. Two weeks after my big breakdown, I made a decision. A huge decision that was gonna turn my life upside down. I decided to move away from home. I moved to the opposite side of the country. I now live in a basement room below my sister and her boyfriend's apartment. I moved from the countryside to the capital. Yes, I now live in Copenhagen.
It was a big decision, but I cannot say it was a hard decision to make. I had nothing left to do in Jutland. I lost everything. The only thing that made me get up in the morning. After getting kicked out of school, I slept for days. I cried, slept, woke up, went to the bathroom, slept, woke up, cried, ate, went back to sleep.. I couldn't get myself to face the reality, so I just slept. I slept to keep away the pain.
My sister suggested that I could come and move in with her and her boyfriend. I had to think about it, cause it was a big decision in the middle of my chaotic state of mind. I did it. I moved.
When I first got here, my sister and I started looking for jobs for me. The first day I went out with job applications I was nervous. I handed over 6 applications that day. The next day I went out there again, and while handing over my 7th application I was offered a jobinterview right away. Sure I thought, and guess what - I got the job. Right then and there. I'm starting this week. I am a substitute at a kindergarden. I'm gonna work with small children. I am so glad. 2 weeks after getting kicked out of school, I had a job AND a place to live in Copenhagen.
We are renovating the basement I am going to live in. Today I finished painting all of the walls, and tomorrow we are going to paint the floor. THEN I'll be ready to move my stuff in, and we'll be going to IKEA on friday, to find me some new furniture. I've never been to IKEA before, so that's gonna be exiting.

Oh, and by the way... I'm going to a Simple Plan concert tomorrow!!! I'm so exited!! I love them! - the only con about it is, that I am going to the concert alone. Non of my friends like the music I like, and the once that do, doesn't have any money or don't have the time or whatever excuse.

That was all for this time, hope to update you guys soon again. This is a post written on a sleepless night. It's 2 AM, so I better try to sleep. Cya guys.

Fuckingshitfuckcrapshitfuckhelpcrapshitfuckfuckingfuck

I have so many things going through my head. I don't know how to get them out. Most of them are so dark, that I can't tell anyone. It's like.. I'd scare people. I do not wish to scare people, so I just keep all this shit to myself. It's either that, or worrying people, and I don't wanna be a burden.
I feel like. Theres only one person in the world who truly understands, and I can't be with her. She's busy and so far away.. And I feel like I'm dying without her. I hate this.
I'm useless. I can't do anything right. I'm gonna get kicked out of school soon, so I won't even have achieved anything during these three years of struggle. I just can't take it anymore!!

Frustration

I have an assignment. Big one. The last HUGE assignment at school. I'm stuck. I can't get any further. I'm not even close to finishing it. I have less than 24 hours to finish it.
If I don't make it I will kill myself.
I'm chain smoking because I'm so frustrated.. I don't know what to do.

I'm just not sure I'm gonna make it. I'm not sure I can do that.

12 Days..

Honestly.. I never liked Medina. I still don't. But this song just describes a time in my life so perfectly. Exactly my words, just said with a voice that doesn't belong to me. But here it goes:

So.. If the person whom this is dedicated to ever listens to this, and reads this.. Well just listen. And then please call me.

Pain

I've been listening to the same song over and over trying to figure out what is really going on in my mind. I have no idea what to think. The thing is.. I know how I feel, but I'm not sure I can allow myself to feel it. You see, feeling stuff usually leads to suffering, pain or regret. I don't regret. I don't regret a single thing. Not a single thing I've said, done or any of the millions of tears I've cried over this. Was I really that unimportant to you?
It's just.. Loss? It can really rip your soul apart. I really thought that the word "forever" meant something. Something real.. Didn't it? You know, I hate being wrong. It's just not my thing. I'm stubborn and I hate admitting I was wrong.
I've considered driving those extra miles, whenever I was around south. Every time the thought would cross my mind. But I didn't do it. Because I can't predict the reaction I'd get.
I... I don't know what to say.. I wish you would just be the one talking. So I could know what you're thinking.
Just.. anything I guess

Speechless

I have no idea what to say.. It surprises me.. I have no idea what to think.. I think about it all the time.. When I think of it, it's like I can't breathe. Not sure if it's because of sadness or happiness. I just know there's some anxiety in it. I get anxious when I think of it. I am not sure what I should think. Should I fear or should I hope? Or both? Should I try or should I give up? Should I smile or should I cry? Should I even care?
Something in me tells me not to even bother - but deep down I can't deny that I care. I care a lot. But I'm not sure rather I even want to care. It's all questionable.

I know, I know..

Will I ever get over losing you? I know what people think, but that doesn't change how I feel.. Normally I'm pretty fast to get over relationships, but this time it takes longer than ever. Maybe it's because the start wasn't even over before the end. Was it that there was no real ending, but just a goodbye? Maybe because I never wanted it to end.. Why does everything wonderful have to come to an end..?

I hate ME

Now I'm gonna tell you a little about the stuff that I hate about my own body. Here goes, this is how hot I feel.. Truly.

I hate my face. My nose is too big and has freckles on it. The freckles I can live with - if they didn't look like pimples. It's not just those flat cute brown dots. It's brown dots on top of a small bump.
I hate my skin. I have suffered from acne since I was 13, and I still hate it though it has gotten a lot better. But my chin and my forehead are still plagued by it.
I also hate my cheeks. I get apple cheeks when I smile, and my cheeks are fat all the time.
My jaw is too big, and manly. Makes my head look almost square. I hate my ears too. Not that they are ugly, just that all of my earrings are inflamed all the time. I hate that. It itches and it hurts, and it does not look pretty at all.
I hate my hear. It never looks the way I want it to, and it is flat in general. Besides it get damaged after a few hours after I've been to the hairdresser.
I also hate my neck. It's fat, and I have scares from my car crash. I'm ashamed. And I can't lie down without getting a double-chin! Why can everybody that but me!?
I hate my arms. They are fat too! And I also have scares on them, and since I'm always cold the hair on my arms always stand up. That just looks ridiculous.
I hate my fingers. They are small and fat, and when I draw a lot my middle finger develops some sort of dot, because of the pencil rubbing so much at the same place. That is just nasty.  And besides that my fingernails break very easily. They are as soft as butter, and if I am so lucky that they do not break, they just bend.

I hate my breasts. I think they are too small. They are not pretty or sexy either! They look stupid and if I loose as little as two pounds, you are able to see in on them. My nipples are too big as well.
I hate my belly. I have the typical piece of fat - right there! In the middle of it all. I hate it so much that I've considered just cutting it off. Yeah really. I know it's completely stupid, but at some points I'd prefer a huge scar over a large piece of fat. I know that sounds comepletely insane to you, but I tell it because I want to paint the picture in your heads of how much I mean it when I say that I consider myself fat. To let you know how much I hate myself...
Well, I also hate my ass! It sticks very much out from my body, because my back is extremely curved. I hate that. Because that makes my belly stick out too.. But my ass is just fat! I cannot take a step without knowing that my ass is moving. That's just nasty. Also I have cellulite under my ass, and that I cannot stand. I want to cut that off too.
My thighs! My thighs are very fat, and they do the wave-move whenever I take a step.

Did that paint a picture in your mind?
- Kiri Rehmeier... Out!

I'll make it better

You were just a little bird

Drowning in a little pool
Nor were voices ever heard
makes you feel like a fool

Let go my baby, it's tough
My caring hands are true
You might not know love
But baby, I'll show you

Together we can achieve
Heights you never knew
I will make you believe
Together we can be free

by Kiri Rehmeier (C)

In love

Det kan godt være du har været lidt omkring

men baby, vi har alle gjort vores ting
Jeg har fundet dig nu, så der er ingen problemer
Håber bare du forstår præcist hvad jeg mener
- Du gir' mig noget specielt, (det) ikk' til at beskrive
Jeg er ikk' perfekt, men jeg ved at du vil blive

Det gør ondt, når en anden pige siger dit navn
Har de ikke opfattet, at du ligger i min havn?
Jeg ved jo godt at jalousien er ubegrundet
Og skat, du må endelig ikk' føle dig bundet
Jeg vil gi' det hele op og la' dig opfylde mig
Tag imod det jeg gir', du må ikk' sige nej


.. Love hurts.

Do you know

Are you always gonna hurt me like this?

Will I ever get a chance to prove, that I could be good for you? It hurts to see you in my dreams every night - and day! Are you ever gonna tell me that you care? Will I always feel this way? I know it's stupid but sometimes I dream, that someday you'll change your mind.. That someday you'll realize that I'm what you really want - that all the nights with different girls was a waste of time, time you could have spent with me.
I know you can't change a man, and I don't want to change you, what I want is for you to know that you can change a habit. Or maybe, just maybe.. you would love me if I was flawless?
I've done all I thought you wanted, tried to be what I thought you wanted.. What is it that you want? All day I wonder what it is that you are searching for. Am I really that wrong? I want to ask you, if I could ever be what you wish for - but honestly I'm too scared.
Are you not getting my hints, or is it just because you don't care? Tell me, tell me how to make you care! Tell me what I'm doing wrong. I want to know... Though I know that the first thing you'd be saying after explaining would be "Why are you crying?"
A dream is not enough.. Sometimes they might seem realistic, but this is not a story followed by a happy ending. This is a story of a broken girl falling in love with a broken boy - she breaks even more, and he will never know...

En lille sang

Jeg har skrevet denne lille sang. Den er ikke god, og melodien må du digte op i dit eget hoved. 

Men i hvert fald skrev jeg den om en fyr jeg var forelsket i - Enjoy.

Mund til Mund

Vers 1:

Jeg husker tydeligt da du sagde til mig

Hvis det kom til det, ville du gi mig mund til mund

Jeg syntes du var latterlig, jeg ville snyde dig

Med tiden lærte jeg at du var fræk, og jeg var ond

Vers 2:

Og baby li' så snart sprutten er fordampet

Når den sidste dans ender og en ny dag oprender

Jeg vågner op og føler mig nedtrampet

Ingen ved min side mer' - hvor er du, giv dig til kende

Chorus: 

Flaske halsen peged' på dig baby

Og du vidste hvad det handlede om

Du vidste hvordan du sku håndtere en lady

Men vilde nætter ender og flasken var tom

Og alt der var tilbage at sige var;

Hvad blev der af mund til mund baby?

Vers 3:

Fik du det du ville, for det gjorde jeg ik'

Men hvis du en dag sku' ende med at fortryde 

Så kom tilbage, jeg vil ik' bare ha din p*k

Følelserne skræmmer mig, hvad skal det betyde?

Chorus: 

Flaske halsen peged' på dig baby

Og du vidste hvad det handlede om

Du vidste hvordan du sku håndtere en lady

Men vilde nætter ender og flasken var tom

Og alt der var tilbage at sige var;

Hvad blev der af mund til mund baby?

Vers 4:

Jealusien siger mig at du har en anden kvinde

Skal vores aften bare forblive som et minde?

Savner dig og dine lidenskabelige kys

Men ærligtalt så så jeg sgu da heller' du var bøs

Mellemstykke:

Jeg kan ikke få mit vejr

Ååh baby gi' mig mund til mund!

Du forfører mig, jeg ka' ik' la' vær'

Ååh baby gi' mig mund til mund!

Genlev den aften bar' for en stund..

Chorus: 

Flaske halsen peged' på dig baby

Og du vidste hvad det handlede om

Du vidste hvordan du sku håndtere en lady

Men vilde nætter ender og flasken var tom

Og alt der var tilbage at sige var;

Hvad blev der af mund til mund baby?

Vers 5:

Du sagde jeg var fræk og jeg ku' få dig op

Men dybest set så vidste jeg du bar' ville ha' min krop

For faen' hvor er det flov at jeg faldt for dine triks

Men alligevel' føles dine ord sgu som et fucking fix

Chorus: 

Flaske halsen peged' på dig baby

Og du vidste hvad det handlede om

Du vidste hvordan du sku håndtere en lady

Men vilde nætter ender og flasken var tom

Og alt der var tilbage at sige var;

Hvad blev der af mund til mund baby? [x2]

Erendring

Hun husker endnu den aften han plantede det
første kys på hendes læber. Husker hvor meget han anstrængte sig for at
opretholde charmen - hans ihærdige indsats for at få hende til at kunne lide
ham. Hun så det så tydeligt, men nævnte det ikke. 


Han var høj, høj på hende - hendes smil, rød,
blå og hvid. Beruselsen var hans dække for sin egentlige interesse. Han var
naiv nok til at tro, hun ikke kunne se længslen og lysten i hans blik. Han tror
han er smartere end hvad rigtigt er, men hun kender mennesker og hun læste ham,
som en moden mand læser avisen onsdag formiddag. 

Tænder kan klapre selvom hun ikke fryser. Han
ville give hende mund til mund, gode råd og føre sig frem - men hun vidste hvad
hun gjorde og hans vise ord var overflødige.  Hun sagde til sig selv, at
hun ikke lagde noget i det, men alligevel fik hun fremskaffet sig hans nummer
da morgendagen tog til. Hans blik sad fast i hendes tanker, og hans smil hang
stadig i rummet. Hun sagde til sig selv; " det her er for dumt, jeg vil
ikke opnå noget", og glemte det for en stund.  I går skete det igen.
Ét kys blev til hundredevis, og hun begik en fejl. Hans feomoner tiltalte hende
noget så ekstremt.. 

Av for satan! Hun faldt i med begge ben. Og
værre endnu, han blev sværere at læse. Hun vidste dagen efter at han ikke ville
noget. Ikke mere end hvad mænd nu vil med en køn kvinde. Hun ser hans
ansigt for sig, men ved atter, at hun ikke har en chance. Hun er jo bare ét
lille stykke legetøj i legetøjskassen, tilhørende en ung mand. 

Hendes venner siger han er under hendes
standard - som om det skulle betyde noget for en så selvstændig og stædig
kvinde? Hendes observerende blik fangede en snært af ligegyldighed når han
kiggede på hende. Hvad var der sket? Få uger tidligere delte de en aften
hvor han fortalte at han var brændt varm. I går havde de en fantastisk aften
med utallige kys, søde og frække ord. 

Hvad skete der over natten? Hvad havde
udspillet sig forkert siden hans interesse var fortaget over én nat? 

Hun står jo bare tilbage nu, med en uvished
der er ulidelig.. Giv op kvinde - giv op.

E

- et lille digt skrevet den 12. april 2011


Det har taget lang tid at indse du ikke kommer tilbage,
hvorfor føler jeg at her er tomt uden dig?
Vi havde fede tider jeg har intet at beklage,
ud over det faktum at du røvrendte mig.

I starten var der gnister i dine øjne,
en ubeskrivelig rus hvor vi følte vi fløj.
Vi brændte for at mærke hinanden nøgne,
du fremstod sød men jeg vidste jo du løj.

Det er dyret inden i mig der styrer når jeg er med dig,
men når du ikke er her vil jeg bare mærke dine arme.
Jeg elsker når du rører, men jeg hader det du gør ved mig,
er jo godt klar over du aldrig kan give mig varme.

Alt det jeg elsker ved dig, hader jeg som pesten,

og jeg tænder på at du er alt for slem.

Du kan ikke beslutte dig, men jeg kan næsten,

men den leg vi kører er ikke spor nem.

Når musikken spiller ved jeg du er min,
men natten vil aldrig kunne vare evigt.
Når jeg er alene ønsker jeg at være din,
med lukkede øjne ser jeg kun dit ansigt.

Dit slørede blik indtager min krop og mit sind,
til mig taler dine blå øjne ingen sandhed.
Jeg kan ikke klare at være så pisse blind,
for når du kigger på mig ønsker jeg det ku' vare ved.

Lysten til at glemme dig forstærkes hver dag, 

du får ikke lov til at plage mig mere. 

Men når natten falder på er det en anden sag,

får i mørket bliver længslerne flere og flere.

Det er alt for fedt når jeg er på et af dine trip,

for jeg ved jo du er farlig min ven.

Det æder mit hjerte op hver gang jeg skal give slip, 

men imorgen gør jeg det igen! 

Lægger hovedet tilbage med flasken for min mund,

rusen mod fornuften - den er en sikker vinder.

Efter få øjeblikke ser jeg tydeligt flaskens bund,

jeg glemmer dig i nat, håber det aldrig forsvinder.

© Kiri Rehmeier