Confession

I can't feel myself, really can't feel shit,

My throat is dry, is my cigarette even lit?

So empty inside,

Awake all night.

I light another smoke for my loneliness,

My suffering, suffocation and unhappiness.

No energy left,

To stop breathing.

Should I really wait until I'm cracked,

Or die with my pride still attached?

 Like an itch that you can't scratch,

A pain inside, impossible to snatch.

To carry on pretending,

Until the bitter ending.

Throat so sore I just can't swallow,

Crying inside from eyes so hollow.

Save me,

Rescue me.

Seeking satisfaction in a material thing, 

Couldn't care less what people think.

Words are my escaping, digging up the dirt.

But they are too small to describe this hurt.

Hands in the air,

Surrender, don't you dare.

Life is real, but I wish it was fiction,

Finding release through a hurtful addiction.

Feeling so neglected,

Alive but disconnected.

We all have to learn and memorize the lesson,

I did, and you just read my confession.

by Kiri Rehmeier 07/10/12

Can't find my way home

I'm on the train on my way home to Copenhagen. I have just entered the last hour of a 5,5 hour long train ride. I'm not really tired.. Just bored.
I really don't want to go home to my basement. Living in the basement is fine. I'm just so isolated, and I'm doing it to myself. Because I don't want to be upstairs. I don't like it. I feel cold and uncomfortable. But the deal is... I don't know where I would rather be. No place feels like home. It haunts me every day. The feeling of.. Being misplaced. Not being home. Not even knowing where home is anymore. Just sad. Sick of yourself. Sick of the person I am.

Missing loner

Lying in the dark. I feel so alone. I'm lonely every day. Since I moved I've started feeling more alone than ever. I miss people. I miss my friends, I miss my cat, I miss my mum! I miss my mum so much... I miss having coffee with her. Laughing with her.. I miss having her around when I'm sad. I'm sad a lot, and I miss her so much.. Pathetic? Maybe. But at least I'm mature enough to admit it..

My days are empty. I have do purpose at the moment. I'm pathetic. I'm worthless. I'm shit.

Poem

Leaking eyes

Hey, it's okay - The show is still on,
And it'll start again at the break of dawn.
Happiness seems so unachievable,
But from now on I am invulnerable.
It's a battlefield out there - and this is war,
But it's all right, I've got unbreakable armor.
Protecting myself the best I've learned,
Despite the bridges that I have burned.
But behind this shiny helmed hides,
My swollen red leaking eyes.

Who's a friend and who's the enemy?
While we wander around dreadfully.
Hiding in the shadow of faking smiles,
Trust nobody! It's all cheat and lies.
We must be strong - we have to fight,
Though it's hard at 3 o'clock in the night.
We must struggle and overcome this trial,
But the truth is we remain in this denial.
But at this point I cannot compromise,
For my hollow dead leaking eyes.

Truth be told; No one's gonna suffer for you,
Nor will anybody see your flaws through.
Honestly spoken we are all little loners,
Independent souls without any owners.
Tell the world that I can cope alone,
'Cause I can survive all on my own.
At times it is hard to face another dawn,
While wishing it would all just get gone.
Piece by piece my lonely heart dies,
And you can see it in my leaking eyes.

- © Kiri Rehmeier

Untitled poem

You're eating me up inside
The darkness you bring
I'm runnin' but I can't hide
You're such an evil thing
Is this ever gonna feel like home
Or will you be with me, when I'm alone?

No matter where I look
You're always before my eyes
My honesty you took
And replaced it all with lies
Are you ever gonna leave?
'Cause I've got more to achieve

You are never gonna be a friend
The worst enemy one could get
You're with me till the bitter end
Every day from the time we met
I can't laugh though I know I should
But you take it all and nothing feels good


a poem about loneliness
by Kiri Rehmeier ©

Spørgsmål

Hvis du skulle undskylde til en person hvem skulle det så være (mindst 1 person) .. og hvem er du mest skuffet over (mindst 1 person)

Trine.. Jeg vil gerne undskylde for, at jeg ikke kan være den veninde, du har brug for. Jeg er ked af, at jeg tænker på at hjælpe mig selv, når jeg burde tænke på dig frem for alt. Jeg er fandeme ked af, at det skulle ende sådan her.

Den person jeg er mest skuffet over, må jeg indrømme, at der er mig selv. Jeg har fejlet alt for groft i løbet af de sidste par år, og det ville være en kæmpeløgn hvis jeg sagde, at jeg ikke skammer mig over mig selv. Jeg tror jeg har gjort alt forkert, som der overhovedet er menneskeligt muligt, og jeg er bestemt skuffet over mig selv.

Spørgsmål fra formspring.me/KiriRehmeier

Ask me anything

Hate

Dear blog

I hate all people in the entire world. I hate everyone.
I hope everyone dies - fast. Most of all myself.
I wish the earth would explode and vanish in a sea of flames.
That we would all be melted into little bobbles of death that would float into the universe. Reminding god of his stupidity of giving people emotions, when he clearly has non of his own.
I mean.. how lame is that?

Or maybe it's just me.

Pain without love

It's 02.15 AM

I'm still awake, and I am still numb. I have been numb for the last 20 hours.

I do not feel a thing. I think of everything that happened, and jet I still feel noting. Nothing at all.

A lot happened. Way too much. Good way to start my new year though - To get my head filled up with crap, bad words and more pain is always lovely.

In case you did not notice, that was irony.

I should be in my bed. Sleeping. I do not feel like it. I feel like.. Well, what the hell do I want? .... Nothing I guess. I feel like nothing. I guess you have to feel SOMETHING, to feel like doing something.

I want nothing. I don't wanna see nobody. I don't wanna hear anything.. not even music right now. I don't even wanna listen to the silence, but that is all that's left, when I do not want to listen to anything.

Silence..

Guess that's good right? Right.. I bet nobody in the country started this new year at bad as I did. I felt it all. Felt it burning in my chest. Felt the guilt, the pain, the suffer, the violence I put on other people. People I love. Just being here make others suffer. And not just ONE. Cause more happened that night. More. Like it wasn't enough, I had to be torn apart inside from other things too.

And now... I can't tell anyone. I can't tell anybody about my feelings, my experiences from that night, my broken heart and my broken soul. Nobody. Really. You'd think I always would have someone to talk to, but right now, I have not.

I figured.. that since I have no happiness in my life at all, my share of the world happiness must have gone to someone else. Well, at least that's what I hope. Cause just because I can't be happy, doesn't mean others can't get that little extra happiness, that should have gone to me.

You don't get it. You simply do not get it. You think you know it all, but you know nothing. Just get it.

Loneliness

Loneliness.

I leaned how to go through the tough and lonely times. I am lonely every week, mostly every day actually. But a friend like you, makes it a lot easier. Standing on the train platform, waiting for the next train to arrive, I am all alone. Though I am surrounded by other people, I am lonely. I see people getting on and off the trains, saying goodbye to their beloved, or reuniting with them. Beautiful sight, though it makes me even more lonely. But then I remember where I am going. How little time there is left before I am the one reuniting with my loved ones. It is awesome to look forward to seeing a real friend again. One of those, that respect me though I am a complete weirdo. Thank you for caring

about me anyway.

Når vi er sammen, har vi det sjovt og hyggeligt - desværre går tiden også stærkt i dit selvskab. Når jeg er alene går tiden langsomt, og næste gang virker så fjernt. Jeg savner dig, og tror du savner mig tilbage.

Jeg overvejer hvor vidt jeg magter ugen, og kommer så frem til at jeg egentlig ikke magter det for en skid. Men det er jeg nød til. Jeg er jo nød til at få ugen overstået for igen at kunne tilbringe en weekend med dig.

Togturen ned til dig, er træls og ALT for lang, men det er det værd, for de stunder vi har sammen er sku 4 timers kedsomhed værd t/r .. Jeg har en rigtig god ven i dig.

. Du er awesome (:

My friend Casper N.P.<3

Kontakt og savn

Lige for tiden har jeg meget kontakt til min kærestes bedste ven. Meget mere end til min kæreste. Men det er okay. Har ikke set ham i to uger nu, og et kommet ud over det stadie hvor man savner. Der kunne gå en uge mere, og det ville være okay. Jeg synes bare ikke det skal nå så langt. Først når man skilles, er man glad for den ro man får af det. Så begynder man at savne nærværet igen, og savnen bliver kun værre. Så når der er gået tilstrækkeligt med tid, når man der til hvor jeg er nu. Kommet ud over savnet, og har vænnet sig til det, så det ikke længere går en på.