Blog challenge day 7

"Five pet peeves"

All right, I'd never heard that phrase before so let me explain; I looked up "pet peeves" in the beloved urban dictionary, and it said: "Stuff that people do that pisses you off". If that is true here it comes, if not - Please tell me!

Homophobia

If there is one thing that pisses me off, it is people going all homophobic while I'm present. I really can't see why people feel the need to bring others down because of their sexuality. Honestly I think that kind of disrespect is disgusting. People are people and love is love, and love can take all forms. I can't see what it is? Homosexuals are not wrong in any way, it's the homophobics that are wrong! Discriminating people and thinking they shouldn't have all the human rights that everyone else have, that's just too fucking wrong. Why can't we just let people be people? I'm pansexual. That means that I fall in love with a person, not the genitalia and gender of the person, but what is on the inside. I love my sexuality, because I don't discriminate anyone. Man, woman, transgender, I could still love you. So what's all this hate good for anyway? Besides I have so many gay friends, and I love them so much. One of my dearest friends is a lesbian, and the love that she and her girlfriend share is beautiful and pure, and I don't see how anyone could think wrong of that. I've been in love with girls before, and I've been in love with guys as well, does that make me wrong? Its love, so why are people hating?


People that ride their bikes in a pedestrian zone
There is a reason it is called a pedestrian zone, and that is not so that you can ride your fucking bike there. It's annoying for ALL the pedestrians there, and it just pisses me off, that people can respect that.



When people call me a punk

I am not a punk. Having piercings and stretches doesn't make me a punk. It's incredible how narrow-minded people are, how everything has to be put in a stereotypical box. I've been called a lot of things in my life, and I've always been the class rock-chick. I don't listen to whatever music everyone else listens to. I like rock, metal, punk, post-grunge and so forth, and because of that, I must be a punker. A punker was a style that was popular in the 80's, and if people knew what a punker really looked like, they would know that I am not one. I do not wear a lot of black makeup around my eyes, I do not have a long mohawk, and I don't wear back patches, so please hear me when I say I am not a punker. It is because of peoples lack of knowledge that this kind of misunderstandings find place. Pisses me off :-)

Racism
Get over yourself. Please just pull yourself together and accept the fact that the world can't be claimed, and that everyone should be able to come to your country if the conditions are better there. We are all human. Humans come in all sizes, shapes, colors and so on, and it pisses me off when people can't see that. Why is it so hard to accept that we are all the same? We are all alike. We might have different cultures, but there should be room enough for all of them right? And I CANNOT see the difference between a white person and a black person. If we bleed, is it not red? If we smile, do we not spread joy? Haven't we all got the right to live the life we've been given? All people have the same basics - we all have love and affection, so why is skintone so important? I live at Nørrebro in Copenhagen, which is the part of the city where most of the immigrants live, and I love living there. They meet so much hate from racism, that some of them get all surprised when you smile at them on the street. I do that cause no matter the language, we are all human and a smile always means the same. Spread the love right?

When people tell me; "stop touching your hair"

I have trichotillomania, and yes oh how people look at me in funny ways, because they really don't understand. But when my friends or family tells me to stop touching my hair, I get pissed. This is not something I just do because it's funny, it is an impulse control disorder, and I am doing everything I can already. I cut my hair short, and I was vulnerable - I flashed my bold spots, until the hair grew back, and that took courage, because it was EMBARRASSING! When people commented on it I wanted to bury myself alive with shame. I try, okay? There is no need to keep reminding me that this issue I have is freaky, weird, annoying or however the hell you can put it - So just shut up about it, it's non of your fucking business.

To the person who destroyed my life

Kære Neve
Det er nu 48 dage siden at du smed mig ud fra Skive Handelsskole. Eller som du ville sige det "sat på standby". Nej, jeg er stadig ikke ovre det. Jeg tænker på det hver dag. Så nu vil jeg forsøge at få styr på mine følelser, gennem dette brev til dig.
Jeg føler at jeg har brugt for lang tid på at være ked af det, over det her - men jeg er fortsat ked af det. Dog har jeg i netop dette øjeblik, fået midlertidigt vendt min sorg til vrede. Hvem skal jeg være vred på? Mig selv først og fremmest, men det er ikke noget nyt, og det er egentlig en konstant følelse for en pige som mig. Men eftersom jeg har gået de sidste 48 dage og gået over hver eneste lille bitte detalje, omkring hele seancen den dag, må jeg indrømme, at en del af vreden også er tildelt dig. Jeg åbnede mit hjerte for dig og bad om hjælp, og din reaktion var at afvise mig. Hvad kalder man det? Hmm.. Der hvor jeg kommer fra kalder man det "at træde på én der allerede ligger ned"!!
Skolen var det sidste jeg havde at holde fast i, Henrik - Og det tog du fra mig. Du tog det fra mig. Du tog mit aller sidste holdepunkt, og lod mig falde. Og jeg faldt, åh om jeg faldt. Hvis jeg sagde til dig før, at mit liv var et helvede, så var det løgn. NU er mit liv helvede. Jeg brænder op indeni. Jeg sidder HVER EVIG ENESTE NAT, og tænker "Hvorfor ikke? Jeg har jo alligevel intet tilbage". Jeg har intet mål længere Neve, for det tog DU fra mig! Du tog det sidste jeg havde at holde fast i, og rev det fra mig, med så kort varsel at jeg ikke engang havde tid til at forberede mig på, hvad jeg skulle gøre. Og hvad gør jeg så? Jeg falder Neve! Jeg falder! Dybere og dybere for hver dag! Og det er vores skyld Neve! Din og min.
"Du er for syg til at gå her". Det var dine ord. For syg? Så psykisk syge har ikke ret til en uddannelse!? Er jeg for syg til at få en uddannelse!? Du SMED mig ud, om du vil indrømme det eller ej! Du tog alt fra mig! Jeg sidder her med en stor fed klump i halsen og tårer i øjenkrogene, mens jeg skriver det her. For er du klar over, hvor hårdt det er? Hvor hårdt det er at leve med absolut intet? At leve, når du ved at du ikke duer til noget? At du ikke kan noget? At ingen tror på dig? NEJ! For du aner ikke hvordan det er!! Du har ingen idé om hvor meget smerte du har forvoldt mig! Du troede du gjorde mig en tjeneste, og tog vægten af mine skuldre - men nej. Du skubbede mig ud over kanten, og nu har jeg intet tilbage.
Jeg har ramt bunden Neve. Dette er resultatet af din beslutning. Mit liv er intet værd længere. Jeg kunne lige så godt være død, og det ville være en lettelse for alle. For mig selv, min familie, mine venner, alle jeg kender, og alle jeg ville møde i fremtiden. Den eneste der ville lide skyld af det, er dig. Og åh hvor jeg ønsker at du skal føle skyld. Jeg ønsker at du skal lide ligesom jeg har lidt. Jeg ønsker at du skal LIDE under min beslutning, ligesom jeg har lidt under din. Jeg ønsker at du skal leve med smerte og skyld resten af dit liv, ligesom jeg har levet med det hele mit.
Så lyder spørgsmålet igen: Hvorfor ikke? Hvorfor tager jeg ikke bare mit eget liv, og gør en ende på alt den anger, vrede, skyld, sorg og angst, og som bonus får en hævn, du ikke kan undslippe? Hvorfor?
- Jo ser du.. Hvis jeg gjorde det, så ville du have vundet. Du lod mig sejle i min egen sø, og det ville være et nederlag at synke sig selv.
Jeg håber du får et langt og elendigt liv. Du er en afskyelig og ussel person. Brænd op i helvede, svin.

Kiri Rehmeier

Letter Challenge Day 12

A letter to the person you hate the most / caused you a lot of pain.

Wow.. This is a tough one. The whole 'hate'-thing has been a big part of my life. There have been many many times where I simply just hated everyone. But the deal is that the person I hate the most is myself. But I'm not gonna write a letter to myself. When I was 14 my depression started, and I'm gonna tell the story of what happened back then. I'm gonna paint the scenario that got me into this shit.


When I was 12 I moved to another school. At my new school I got a really really good friend. We had the best friendship, and we were together after school almost every day. I'm gonna call her S. 
We were the best of friends for about two years, and then at the age of 14 we had to move to another school across the street. The new school was for eighth, ninth and tenth grade only. So we were now eighth graders. The classes were mixed from five different schools, but S and I got in the same class. We started hanging out with two other girls and we enjoyed hanging out together all four. As time passed by S started hanging more and more out with one of the girls, lets call her M. The last girl and I was sort of pushed out of the group, but we didn't like each other, so we didn't spend any time together. The problem was not that M and S got a closer friendship. The dilemma was that M hated me. So since M didn't like me, S started to forget about me. Within a few months we didn't spoke to each other anymore.


Every day on my way home from school, I cried my eyes out before I got home. When I got home my mum would ask "how was school?", and I'd answer "fine" or "as usual". I'd go to my room and waste my life away on websites trying to get a social network. 
I became depressed and fell into an eating disorder as well. I wrote poems and songs and cried to all sad music I could find. S only talked to me if we were put in the same group at school. In my head I cursed her and M every day. This scenario started the riot, that made several years of my youth into a living hell. 
Somehow I blame them. But my social skills were as low as possible, and I was unable to make friends or make people like me. So I guess it's my own fault. But still I will always hate them. Because of what they did to me. The worst kind of bullying is the mental kind, and when people pretend you don't exist, you are being bullied mentally. 
So here goes..


Dear S


I hope the rest of your life will be shit. 
The day you end up like your mother, living in a shitty house, having three kids with three different men, and you end up fat and lonely - I am gonna look at you and let my eyes tell you this: "How does it feel to be a social loser and a complete failure?"


Truly
Kiri Rehmeier, the friend you forgot