Blog challenge day 22

"Your academics"

.. Go f*ck yourself!

Blog challenge day 1

5 ways to win my heart

There are many ways to win a girls heart, and here are some things that makes my heart surrender.

Hug me from behind. 
If there is a thing I love it is being hugged from behind. It's the best thing in the world. It makes me feel small and safe and it's lovely and warm, when its cold outside. And since you already hold me that way, it's a great opportunity to kiss my neck. Since I have pretty short hair, that shouldn't be so bad? I love it, having someone kiss my neck and shoulders is just wonderful I think. Agree?


Chemistry.
There are many ways to win a girls heart, but if there ain't chemistry, there ain't nothing to come for in the first place. If I find you attractive you know it, and if there is chemistry between two people it's something you can feel. Either it's there or it's not, and if it ain't there that's just too bad. Chemistry is what makes people stay together. It makes everything better. It is what brings passion, and I need passion in a relationship. I want you to want me. Let me KNOW that you like me, I'm not a mindreader remember. Look me in the eyes, kiss me, show me, get to know me, let me get to know you. That should take us far already.

Like me for me.
I go for people who likes me, for the person I am. I like myself, I like the way I am, and I'm not interested in changing. Some say you should be willing to change for the ones you love, well I'm not gonna do that. I want someone who likes the little things that makes me special. I do some weird stuff and I like it! My laugh sounds like hyenas fucking (link), deal with it! If you can't live with it, don't expect me to stay. I like my body as well, and I'm not gonna go on some crazy diet to get a flat stomach, just to please you. I need someone who likes looking at my body, even though it's not perfect and I'll never be on the cover of a magazine. I am a REAL woman, and I want a real person who sees that - and likes it. Imma end this with a quote from a very wise man; "The only three things a guy should change about his girl is; her last name, her address and her viewpoint on men" - Wiz Khalifa

Serve me coffee in the morning.
Coffee in the morning makes my day so much better, it makes it even better if the coffee is served by a person I care about, and who cares about me. If you care about me enough to get me coffee, even though you might not drink it yourself, it shows me that you like me - even if you don't like coffee kisses. And of course know how I like my coffee; I like it black btw.

Smile and fuck me good. 
Yeah you heard me! I want someone who can fuck me good, and there is only one way to find out if you do that. Sex is a huge part of being human, and if you like the person you're banging, you bang her better! Sex is important, we all do it, and we're gonna do it till our bodies can't fuck no more, so rather spend time with someone you like, who shags good.
If you like a person, you like to see them happy, and that is the reason the smile is so important. I'm not looking for a person who could be in a Colgate commercial - not even close, but a person whose smile I just can't get enough of. A lovely smile and a sparkle in the eyes makes me want to make you smile.

A 50/50 chance

In 20 minutes I have a meeting with my principal. There's a 50/50 chance that I'm getting kicked out of school. I am so scared. I swear I am so scared I could shit my pants. The odds are low, and I'm not sure what I want. I'm not sure what's best. I just don't wanna take 3rd year over again. I won't do that. If I get kicked out, I'm out of business, but god damnit, I'm not sure I can handle it. I hate this. So nervous.
I'll let you know when I'm done at the meeting.

Find me on twitter for instant check-ups. @KiriRehmeier

Frustration

I have an assignment. Big one. The last HUGE assignment at school. I'm stuck. I can't get any further. I'm not even close to finishing it. I have less than 24 hours to finish it.
If I don't make it I will kill myself.
I'm chain smoking because I'm so frustrated.. I don't know what to do.

I'm just not sure I'm gonna make it. I'm not sure I can do that.

3 good things - Day 2

Someone from my spanish
class wears these ultra
gay shoes. Had to take a
picture of them.

Three good things about today:
..

• I am home.

• I got further with my drawing of Judas.

• I'm gonna clean my room, so it'll be a good thing when it's clean.

That's all for today. As you might have guessed already, it hadn't been such a good day, since I haven't got any better thing to tell you. 

Oh lord...

Have you ever woken up, then wished you hadn't? That you could just fall asleep and never wake up again? How about waking up, go to the mirror and think: "This is gonna be another sucky day."? ... Yes, I'm having one of those days today. Gonna drive to school now. Cya...

Letter Challenge Day 12

A letter to the person you hate the most / caused you a lot of pain.

Wow.. This is a tough one. The whole 'hate'-thing has been a big part of my life. There have been many many times where I simply just hated everyone. But the deal is that the person I hate the most is myself. But I'm not gonna write a letter to myself. When I was 14 my depression started, and I'm gonna tell the story of what happened back then. I'm gonna paint the scenario that got me into this shit.


When I was 12 I moved to another school. At my new school I got a really really good friend. We had the best friendship, and we were together after school almost every day. I'm gonna call her S. 
We were the best of friends for about two years, and then at the age of 14 we had to move to another school across the street. The new school was for eighth, ninth and tenth grade only. So we were now eighth graders. The classes were mixed from five different schools, but S and I got in the same class. We started hanging out with two other girls and we enjoyed hanging out together all four. As time passed by S started hanging more and more out with one of the girls, lets call her M. The last girl and I was sort of pushed out of the group, but we didn't like each other, so we didn't spend any time together. The problem was not that M and S got a closer friendship. The dilemma was that M hated me. So since M didn't like me, S started to forget about me. Within a few months we didn't spoke to each other anymore.


Every day on my way home from school, I cried my eyes out before I got home. When I got home my mum would ask "how was school?", and I'd answer "fine" or "as usual". I'd go to my room and waste my life away on websites trying to get a social network. 
I became depressed and fell into an eating disorder as well. I wrote poems and songs and cried to all sad music I could find. S only talked to me if we were put in the same group at school. In my head I cursed her and M every day. This scenario started the riot, that made several years of my youth into a living hell. 
Somehow I blame them. But my social skills were as low as possible, and I was unable to make friends or make people like me. So I guess it's my own fault. But still I will always hate them. Because of what they did to me. The worst kind of bullying is the mental kind, and when people pretend you don't exist, you are being bullied mentally. 
So here goes..


Dear S


I hope the rest of your life will be shit. 
The day you end up like your mother, living in a shitty house, having three kids with three different men, and you end up fat and lonely - I am gonna look at you and let my eyes tell you this: "How does it feel to be a social loser and a complete failure?"


Truly
Kiri Rehmeier, the friend you forgot

Dear Judas

Fuck you...

Fuck you for not believing in us. Fuck you for not giving us a chance to blossom. Fuck you for not talking to me since you left me. Fuck you for leaving me. Fuck you for dumping me after two weeks. Fuck you for saying you loved me when you really didn't. Fuck you for not caring. Fuck you, I drove all the way to Aalborg Hospital because you got beaten up at the carnival. Fuck you because you wouldn't do the same for me. Fuck you for smoking weed while we were together. Fuck you for introducing me to your parents. Fuck you for leaving after you had met my parents, my sister and my brother in law's family. Fuck you for breaking up with me on a text in the middle of the night, when you knew I was sleeping! Fuck you for breaking up with me the day before an annual test. Fuck you, it's your fucking fault I only got 02 for that test. Fuck you for taking all of my focus that day.
Fuck you for asking me to return your key in the same message in which you broke up! Fuck you for giving me a key to your apartment in the first place. Fuck you for the fact that you would have let me drive right after returning your stupid key. Fuck you, if I hadn't stayed in the car you wouldn't have spoken any more to me.
Fuck you for the fact that it was so easy for you. Fuck you, I'm sure you haven't even been sad at all since you broke up. Fuck you for breaking up with me. Fuck you for making me feel worthless. Fuck you for making me feel unloved. Fuck you for all the teas I've cried for you. Fuck you for all the times I've been screaming in tears for you.
Fuck you for making me feel unbeautiful. Fuck you for making me feel awful. Fuck you for all the songs I've dedicated to you. Fuck you for being so missable. Fuck you for being so beautiful.
Fuck you for being such an ASSHOLE!!!
Fuck you for making me miserable. Fuck you for making me mad. Fuck you for making me sad. Fuck you for making me so sad, that I cried in the car - many times. Fuck you for making me cry so hard that I almost crashed with my car. Fuck you for all the times you've made me aggressive. Fuck you for all the lies.


Just.. FUCK YOU!!!

Lyst til at...

..Græde?

Jeg føler at alt er så langt væk, og alligevel så tæt på. At jeg ved det hele, men alligevel ingen anelse har. At jeg vil videre, men ikke magter at fortsætte. Jeg vil sove, men jeg vil ikke i seng. Jeg vil leve, men jeg vil bare sove. Jeg vil grine, men har lyst til at græde. Jeg har lyst til at græde, men der kommer ingen gråd. Hverken latter eller gråd fylder mit liv. Bare en følelsesløs ligegyldighed. En følelse af at det hele er presset ind i mit lille hjerte, og det hvert sekund føles som om det er så fyldt det kunne sprænge, og alligevel så tomt.

,, Det ene øjeblik er jeg sikker på hvad jeg gerne vil, det næste vil jeg ingenting. "

Møgluder!

Kære Alexander

Nu vil jeg skrive en række citater fra en sang med Jokeren der hedder "Kvinde din". Disse citater er detikeret specielt til dig, og hvis du skulle få lyst til at høre hele sangen, så er den lige her.

- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AX6H9y3A-I

" Hvordan fanden ku' du gøre det?

Du burde tage dit forgrædte næb og tørre det.

For hvad er det egentlig, du er så ked af?

Du tog mig og vendte tommelfingeren nedaf. "

" Jeg gav dig mit hjerte. Du sku' holde det,

bære ansvaret for den smerte, du ku' forvolde det.

For du var mere end en elsker; en ven

Så hvis du er færdig med det, så giv mig det igen.

Så kan jeg putte det tilbage under jernskjorten. "

".. det er svært at fatte, at det her er vores endeligt

men hvis det er, håber jeg du har det elendigt... "

".. For pludselig kan jeg se dine fejl og mangler

ikke en prinsesse, bare en ho ligesom alle andre. "

".. min kærlighed til dig er død ho, så glem den..."

"La' vær' at tro at vi kan blive chill igen

"og det må du finde, hvorend det var du ville hen

og jeg håber inderligt, du vil fortryde det

og hvis den tid kommer, så vil jeg nyde det.

Jeg står tilbage alene med et tomrum

jeg troede på os men var åbenbart godt dum.

Så jeg står op uden at slå min hjerne til

"jeg har noget i ryggen. Gider du fjerne det?"

" vi to, vi går hver vores vej

jeg er ikke færdig med kvinder, men jeg er færdig med dig.

Din fucking luder..."

No one is as lucky as us

The danish people have been named the happiest nation in the world.

.. but at the same time, the danish people take more prozac than any other country in the world.

In Denmark there are a lot of people who feels like shit. Including me. I think of myself as a lucky person. It could have been so much worse? I could have been born in a nation at war right? We all could. We are actually pretty ungrateful. Well I am. In some peoples eyes, I have the most amazing life in the world. But I hate my life. I hate it because I feel like shit. I am in the statistic that makes Denmark the country in the world that takes the most prozac. I get by. But you are on prozac for a reason. I think it's awful thinking about the people in the world having a lot worse life than me. And I feel fucking bad about myself when I think about it. How much they would give to have a life like mine. And how I hate it.. I am so ungrateful. Shame on me.

Not like this is going to change anything. Just got to thinking about it.

" Fuck me once, shame on you. Fuck me twice, shame on me. "

- Samantha Jones

a song for Nikolaj.

Rascal Flatts - I feel bad

I should be out in that driveway stopping you

Tears should be rolling down my cheek

And I don't know why I'm not falling apart

Like I usually do

And how the thought of losing you's not killing me

I feel bad

That I can stand here strong

Cold as stone, Seems so wrong

I can't explain it

Maybe it's just

I've cried so much

I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it

I feel bad that I don't feel bad

I can let myself be angry over wasted time

And sad about just throwing love away

Yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking

But I cant lie

All I want to do is turn the page

I feel Bad

That I can stand here strong

Cold as stone, Seems so wrong

I can't explain it

Maybe it's just

I've cried so much

I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it

I feel bad

That I don't feel bitter, alone

I just feel its time, its time to move on

I just gotta move on and on and on and on

Yeah

Baby it's just I've cried so much

I'm tired and I'm numb baby I hate it

I feel bad that I don't feel bad

No, I don't feel bad

Midnat - natten til den 4. maj 2010

Tweet

Der er alt for mange ting der er usagte.. Du fortæller mig ikke alt, selvom der er et krav jeg tidligere har stilt. Jeg er angst.. Angst for at miste dig. Angst for at blive såret.. Igen. Ingen kan såre mig som du kan, og det ved du. Jeg beroliger mig selv hver dag. Forsøger at komme ned på jorden igen og få et nogenlunde stabilt fodfæste. Jeg kæmper hårdt. På at glemme, fortrænge, skubbe tanker væk og ikke mindst for at stole på dig. Det er virkelig svært! Det håber jeg du forstår. Tilliden er meget langsomt ved at blive opbygget igen - selvom du ikke kæmper sønderligt for det, og så nytter det bare ikke at du ikke fortæller mig hvad det er der foregår. Hvis der ikke foregår noget, hvorfor er du så bange for at fortælle det? Jeg håber på at du kan klare den lange ventetid, og den hårde kamp, der kommer før at jeg igen stoler på dig.. Ofte tvivler jeg. Kan du klare det?

Spørgsmål..

Tweet

Jeg sidder for mig selv og jeg tænker.. jeg undre mig, og stiller et spørgsmål. Et spørgsmål, ikke rettet mod noget, bare ud i den blå luft..

Hvorfor er HVER DAG en LORTEdag?