A letter for your ex-boyfriend
Dear Jesper
We were together for about two months last winter. I guess our "official relationship" started at 31th of October. After the Linkin Park concert at Boxen in Herning. Enough about that.
The thing is.. I really should apologize to you. I have to confess. I didn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You are truly a nice guy, and you deserve a girl who loves you.
So here's the deal. I don't really think I was able to do that at the time. You are lovable, but I just didn't feel it. I didn't really have feelings for you.. I guess I was just lonely.
Our relationship was for me like trying a dress on. I know it's not my style, but I tried it on cause it was right there... Was it abuse? Did I abuse you? I really cared about you - I really did. Like a friend. I've been such a bitch to you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. And honestly I'm glad that YOU broke it off, so I didn't have to hurt you even more. I guess you can say that I took advantage of your feelings for me. Though I never felt like I did, and I never meant to. I enjoyed your company, and I felt safe near you. I liked that. I know - I'm addicted to feeling safe. And though I never told you the truth of how I felt - or lack of presence of said, I still appreciate the time we had together. You made me a little happier at a hard time I guess. The winter is always hard for me, but knowing I had you helped me get through it I think.
So I guess the conclusion is that I know, that not being completely honest with you was wrong - very wrong.. But I'd like to thank you for what we had, and for being there for me. And of course you deserve an apoligy. So here it goes.. I'm sorry. Truly.
Yours faithfully
Kiri Rehmeier
Don't know what made me start reading your blog today, and neither do i know if you ever expected me to read this, or if you are gonna read this comment. But one thing is certain, you have no reason to apologize to me, you never gave me any promises of love and you warned me that it might not even go anywhere. I chose to go on, knowing that. I bet i enjoyed it as much as you did, probably more i guess.
SvarSletIt's been over a year now, and i guess this proves i still think of you, wether I'm over you or not i can't answer, according to myself i should be, but really can't explain what keeps you in the back of my mind, but you're there, and for some reason i enjoy that. It reminds me I'm still here, that I'm still capable of feelings, and it helps me appreciate some things i normally would care for at all.
And no, i didn't break it off, i let you go, what ever the reason was we both knew i had to. I couldn't be the person you needed, the time wasn't right, or you didn't feel it, who knows. It doesn't matter, we happened, and theres no ignoring it whatever feelings were involved. Would i change it if i could? Probably, it's 2012 now, seems like it was yesterday.
I remember the day you asked me on a date, the guys at school teased me because they saw me smiling when i read your texts, when we met, walking back an forth between the dorm and the town to keep warm, when i handed you a menu at the pizzeria, "i already know what i wanna order", oh darn you're a vegetarian (god i was so embarrassed), i remember when you came to my place, watching tv on the sofa upstairs, when you kissed me the first time on the sofa downstairs, saying if i wasn't gonna you sure would. I remember the look on your face when i was speeding to Herning so you wouldn't miss the train. I remember the afternoon and nights when i was smiling because i knew i was heading out to you, and the nights we spent in your room, watching movies with freaky fetiches, and i remember the night you said we had to talk, I've never felt more helpless, i wanted to give you all the right answers, and i was wishing i could be the person you needed, but i messed up, you hid under the blanket, and i was just sitting there, looking at the damn blanket. Honestly, i wish i could go back to that exact night & that exact moment, and give you answers, they still might not be the right ones, but they're still answers, instead of stupid excuses, and self-pity.
I'm sorry i didn't listen, that i couldn't be what you needed.
I wish i tried.
I hope you find someone who sincerely will take care of you, and give you the world some day.
I think you are a wonderful person, even tho i know you won't agree with me, ask me a million times, ill give you the same answer.
I can still be here for you, for whatever you need, even tho you might not ever use the opportunity, I still need you to know that i am.
Maybe in some other life, who knows<3
Promise me you'll take care love.