Letter Challenge Day 2

A letter to your crush

Dear Judas.

Oh dear, dear Judas.. Though people might think I should just forget about you and move on, it's easier said than done. It's hard. Really hard actually. You came into my life so suddenly, and the fact that you left it so fast came even more sudden...
Like in a video game. "Sudden death!!! - Game over! You loose!"
Like falling without a warning - not being able to take off the most of the fall with your hands. No, a fall so sudden that you don't even get to know it before it's too late. Not knowing that you fell before feeling the intense pain of a slap in the face which unfortunately broke your nose.
At first I though you were kidding. I really believed you.. I really believed you every time you looked into my eyes, and told me that you loved me.
How could I be so blind? How could I have missed it? How come I couldn't see it coming?
You really left me broken hearted. I haven't been myself since. I tasted heaven, and I liked it. I felt the happiness run through my veins, and it drugged me so hard. I ain't never been as high as I was those 13 days. I was happy.. I was happy for 13 days in a row. Before that I hadn't been happy for that many days in 5 years. And I still haven't since. I don't understand why you left me. I was a completely different person. I was who I truly wanted to be - Who I was underneath the depression. I felt how I really was. I remembered how I really was. I would have understood if you left me for who I am when I'm constantly infected with a chronicle decease that is slowly pushing me to the edge. But while I was with you, there was nothing pushing me. I felt free. I was high on the freedom of not being a prisoner. It was amazing.

I am not mad at you anymore. I still miss you and cry from time to time. But right now, all I feel like I need to tell you, is thank you. Thank you for giving me a rush of freedom. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for reminding me of what I forgot long ago. How it feels to be happy. How it feels to be free.
Just thanks.

Thankfully yours
Kiri Rehmeier

Letter Challenge Day 1

A letter to your best friend

Dear Casper

The concept; "best friends" are being misused if you ask me. Some people think that a best friend is the best friend that you have - rather it's a very good friendship or just a mediocre one. The best one out of the many. The best one out of all the 538 Facebook friends. I used to think so too. That the guy friend I was with the most, would have the title as my best friend.

Today I know better. Now I know what a best friend really is. Now I know the true meaning of the concept.
A best friend is that one person to whom you can say everything and anything to. The one friend with whom you can do everything, but also do nothing with.
Yeah that's all good right? But there's more. This is where people get the wrong idea, cause this is where some people cannot understand. A true best friend is the person you will travel to the end of the world after. The one person that you would rent a rowboat and sail across the atlantic to get to. The person that drives for two hours to your house on a Tuesday night, just to be with you when your ass is on fire. The one person you would die for. The person you care so much about, that you would even leave the love of your life. The love is so unconditional that it is hard for some to understand. But my conclusion is that the people thinking this is to over do it, has never had a friendship as ours themselves.
Our friendship is out of this world. It is too different for people to understand. I think that's why people keep thinking we're a couple. Our society is not made for friendships like ours. People do not think it is possible to have such a close relation to someone that you're not in a relationship with.
But honestly... I don't give a fuck. I don't care what people think. So what if our friendship scares men away from me - that doesn't matter. Cause really, I would never go out with a man if he wasn't being accepting about our friendship.
Our friendship is everything to me. I could never leave you. Without you I cannot live.

I have told you many times.. I've said it to your face. I've texted it. I've said it on the phone. I've written it on paper. Posted it on Facebook. I've written it on my Twitter. I've laughed it. I've screamed it. I've yelled it. I've said it randomly. I told everyone. I told the world. I've said it in many languages. I've cried it. I've screamed it in tears... But now I'm gonna say it again:
- I love you more than anything. Without you my life wouldn't be worth living.

Truly and sincerely yours
Kiri Rehmeier

30-day Letter Challenge

30-day letter challenge

Write a letter to/about the following:

Day 1 - your best friend

Day 2 - your crush

Day 3 - your parents

Day 4 - your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 - your dreams

Day 6 - a stranger

Day 7 - your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 - your favorite internet friend

Day 9 - someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 - someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 - a deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 - the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 - someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 - someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 - the person you miss the most

Day 16 - someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 - someone from your childhood

Day 18 - the person that you wish you could be

Day 19 - someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 - the one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 - someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 - someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 - the last person you kissed

Day 24 - the person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 - the person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 - the last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 - the friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 - someone that changed your life

Day 29 - the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 - your reflection in the mirror

I hate ME

Now I'm gonna tell you a little about the stuff that I hate about my own body. Here goes, this is how hot I feel.. Truly.

I hate my face. My nose is too big and has freckles on it. The freckles I can live with - if they didn't look like pimples. It's not just those flat cute brown dots. It's brown dots on top of a small bump.
I hate my skin. I have suffered from acne since I was 13, and I still hate it though it has gotten a lot better. But my chin and my forehead are still plagued by it.
I also hate my cheeks. I get apple cheeks when I smile, and my cheeks are fat all the time.
My jaw is too big, and manly. Makes my head look almost square. I hate my ears too. Not that they are ugly, just that all of my earrings are inflamed all the time. I hate that. It itches and it hurts, and it does not look pretty at all.
I hate my hear. It never looks the way I want it to, and it is flat in general. Besides it get damaged after a few hours after I've been to the hairdresser.
I also hate my neck. It's fat, and I have scares from my car crash. I'm ashamed. And I can't lie down without getting a double-chin! Why can everybody that but me!?
I hate my arms. They are fat too! And I also have scares on them, and since I'm always cold the hair on my arms always stand up. That just looks ridiculous.
I hate my fingers. They are small and fat, and when I draw a lot my middle finger develops some sort of dot, because of the pencil rubbing so much at the same place. That is just nasty.  And besides that my fingernails break very easily. They are as soft as butter, and if I am so lucky that they do not break, they just bend.

I hate my breasts. I think they are too small. They are not pretty or sexy either! They look stupid and if I loose as little as two pounds, you are able to see in on them. My nipples are too big as well.
I hate my belly. I have the typical piece of fat - right there! In the middle of it all. I hate it so much that I've considered just cutting it off. Yeah really. I know it's completely stupid, but at some points I'd prefer a huge scar over a large piece of fat. I know that sounds comepletely insane to you, but I tell it because I want to paint the picture in your heads of how much I mean it when I say that I consider myself fat. To let you know how much I hate myself...
Well, I also hate my ass! It sticks very much out from my body, because my back is extremely curved. I hate that. Because that makes my belly stick out too.. But my ass is just fat! I cannot take a step without knowing that my ass is moving. That's just nasty. Also I have cellulite under my ass, and that I cannot stand. I want to cut that off too.
My thighs! My thighs are very fat, and they do the wave-move whenever I take a step.

Did that paint a picture in your mind?
- Kiri Rehmeier... Out!

Poem

Leaking eyes

Hey, it's okay - The show is still on,
And it'll start again at the break of dawn.
Happiness seems so unachievable,
But from now on I am invulnerable.
It's a battlefield out there - and this is war,
But it's all right, I've got unbreakable armor.
Protecting myself the best I've learned,
Despite the bridges that I have burned.
But behind this shiny helmed hides,
My swollen red leaking eyes.

Who's a friend and who's the enemy?
While we wander around dreadfully.
Hiding in the shadow of faking smiles,
Trust nobody! It's all cheat and lies.
We must be strong - we have to fight,
Though it's hard at 3 o'clock in the night.
We must struggle and overcome this trial,
But the truth is we remain in this denial.
But at this point I cannot compromise,
For my hollow dead leaking eyes.

Truth be told; No one's gonna suffer for you,
Nor will anybody see your flaws through.
Honestly spoken we are all little loners,
Independent souls without any owners.
Tell the world that I can cope alone,
'Cause I can survive all on my own.
At times it is hard to face another dawn,
While wishing it would all just get gone.
Piece by piece my lonely heart dies,
And you can see it in my leaking eyes.

- © Kiri Rehmeier

Random no. 1

I have trouble sleeping. I don't understand how I can possibly turn night into day. Mum says it's alway been like that.

I went to see my grandma today. She's 90 years old. She's usually talking about how bad she wants to die. She's depressive - like me, but mostly in the winter. She's too old to do stuff, and she has been alone since grandpa died, ten years ago.
But today she was different. She laughed and really enjoyed our company.

She was especially glad to see me. She hasn't seen me since Christmas. And before that it was more than a year. I'm pretty ashamed of that. The reason I don't come along with my family, when they go to visit her, is that I can't stand hearing the suicidal talk. I can't stand that my grandma says things like that. They might as well could have come from my mouth..? I can't take that.

She told me and my sister not to smoke. My grandma smoked for 60 years and then stopped. She's been cranky ever since xD Gonna continue trying to sleep now.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location: Vinderup,Danmark

Dear Judas

Fuck you...

Fuck you for not believing in us. Fuck you for not giving us a chance to blossom. Fuck you for not talking to me since you left me. Fuck you for leaving me. Fuck you for dumping me after two weeks. Fuck you for saying you loved me when you really didn't. Fuck you for not caring. Fuck you, I drove all the way to Aalborg Hospital because you got beaten up at the carnival. Fuck you because you wouldn't do the same for me. Fuck you for smoking weed while we were together. Fuck you for introducing me to your parents. Fuck you for leaving after you had met my parents, my sister and my brother in law's family. Fuck you for breaking up with me on a text in the middle of the night, when you knew I was sleeping! Fuck you for breaking up with me the day before an annual test. Fuck you, it's your fucking fault I only got 02 for that test. Fuck you for taking all of my focus that day.
Fuck you for asking me to return your key in the same message in which you broke up! Fuck you for giving me a key to your apartment in the first place. Fuck you for the fact that you would have let me drive right after returning your stupid key. Fuck you, if I hadn't stayed in the car you wouldn't have spoken any more to me.
Fuck you for the fact that it was so easy for you. Fuck you, I'm sure you haven't even been sad at all since you broke up. Fuck you for breaking up with me. Fuck you for making me feel worthless. Fuck you for making me feel unloved. Fuck you for all the teas I've cried for you. Fuck you for all the times I've been screaming in tears for you.
Fuck you for making me feel unbeautiful. Fuck you for making me feel awful. Fuck you for all the songs I've dedicated to you. Fuck you for being so missable. Fuck you for being so beautiful.
Fuck you for being such an ASSHOLE!!!
Fuck you for making me miserable. Fuck you for making me mad. Fuck you for making me sad. Fuck you for making me so sad, that I cried in the car - many times. Fuck you for making me cry so hard that I almost crashed with my car. Fuck you for all the times you've made me aggressive. Fuck you for all the lies.


Just.. FUCK YOU!!!

Birthdays..

My birthday is in 17 days. It’s gonna be my 19th birthday, nothing special really. It’s just.. Even at my 18th birthday non of my friends had time to see me. It’s like.. I really put much into being there on my friends birthdays. I want it to be their day, and to make them have a good time. I have never forgotten a friend’s birthday.

Not talking about anybody in particular, just in general: I’ve never had friends who had time to be with me on my birthday. It’s in the summer holiday, and my friends has always been on vacation or to somebody else’s birthday party. Or having to work, didn’t have the money or they’ve come up with an excuse because they forgot, and didn’t got me a present. You see.. I don’t care about presents. That’s not what this is about. I don’t care about the stupid presents! Honestly I just care about the fact, that my friends spend a little off their precious time, to come see me on my fucking birthday? Is that too much to ask?

This year I’ve really been let down. Or that’s how I feel.. My sister and brother in law can’t see me at my birthday. They have another birthday party that day. As I told my mum; I fucking hope it’s a round birthday! And then my wife called - yeah, she’s having her graduation party the night before my birthday. My wife lives in the upper set end of Jutland than I do, so of course non of my friends who are coming to the graduation party, will have time or money to visit me the next day. So I’m probably gonna start my birthday with hangover, then a two hour drive home, to find that my parents are the only people who have time to drink a fucking cup of coffee with me. OH! And of course - my parents and siblings have to go to bed early on my birthday, cause they’re going to Copenhagen early the next morning!

… Nobody cares anyway.

Fml, Kiri

Studenter...

Jeg er SÅ træt af at det ikke er mig der bliver student i år.

At have et helt år tilbage mens alle render rundt med deres huer. Jeg er ikke misundelig når jeg ser en med en HF hue, HG hue eller STX hue. Heller ikke HTX huer for den sags skyld. Men når jeg ser en kongeblå hue bliver jeg grøn af misundelse. Men det værste er en kongeblå hue med flag! Den hue jeg har på om et år - Når jeg ser folk der render lykkelige rundt med denne hue, kan misundelsen slet ikke beskrives.
Jeg ærger mig mest over at jeg kunne have haft den i år. Hvis jeg havde droppet 10. klasse, som jeg alligevel kun gik i i 4 måneder. At jeg brugte et år på at være syg og nederen. Hvis jeg ikke havde fået en depression havde jeg været student lige nu. Suk.. Gid det var mig.

Men til næste år - Der bliver det mig der tværer det rundt i andres fjæs!

- I'm just expressing my jealousy of all the people becoming students this year. But next year I will be the one wearing the coolest cap!

I'll make it better

You were just a little bird

Drowning in a little pool
Nor were voices ever heard
makes you feel like a fool

Let go my baby, it's tough
My caring hands are true
You might not know love
But baby, I'll show you

Together we can achieve
Heights you never knew
I will make you believe
Together we can be free

by Kiri Rehmeier (C)