Speechless

I have no idea what to say.. It surprises me.. I have no idea what to think.. I think about it all the time.. When I think of it, it's like I can't breathe. Not sure if it's because of sadness or happiness. I just know there's some anxiety in it. I get anxious when I think of it. I am not sure what I should think. Should I fear or should I hope? Or both? Should I try or should I give up? Should I smile or should I cry? Should I even care?
Something in me tells me not to even bother - but deep down I can't deny that I care. I care a lot. But I'm not sure rather I even want to care. It's all questionable.