Letter Challenge Day 15

A letter to the person you miss the most.

Dear Mette

I'm not sure how to combine the word "miss" with my feelings about you at the moment. Right now you are without a doubt, the person whom I send the most thoughts during the day. It's like you're a puzzle and I can't get all of the pieces to fit - and yet I still can. It's like I've been reading your mind lately. I ask you questions which I already know the answers to. I just want to hear it from your mouth.
I want to share my experiences with you, but I'm afraid it'll be for no good use. I know what you're going through - Trust me, I really really do. So I guess you could say I'm not reading your mind, but simply just having the knowledge to know that you're thinking exactly the same thoughts, that I did once.
I know what you want at the moment, and I know what it takes to learn the lesson - 'cause I did it too. You have to be stupid before you can learn to be wise. You have to be blind before you can learn to see. I guess I'm writing this because it has occurred to me, that the chance I have to make you see it clear, before it becomes pure horror; is very small. There are many ways in which I could try to make you see, but without your interest in knowing what I learned, it would be a waste of time for us both. When I was at the point in which you are right now I was stupid - people tried to make me see, but I was stupid because I didn't listen. I know that now. But honestly it would be a huge surprise if you weren't stupid like I was. In that case I must have misjudged the similarity between us - god I hope I have! A dream you get when you gain the knowledge that people in my place have, is to share your knowledge and stop just ONE person from making the same mistakes you did. Many of us never succeed. I'm not sure if I did at some point in my journey - But if I had to pick one particular person to be the one I stopped; No doubt that it'd be you. I mean... I love you so fucking much? No one should ever have to go through what I did - I wouldn't even wish this upon my worst enemy! And knowing that you're making the same mistake I did, which got to be the largest mistake of my life, and it's not in my power to make the right choice for you - IS AWFUL! It's not much different from watching your friend slit his wrists and then suffer a slow and painful death, while you're just watching. You want to interrupt, but you can't.

But sweetie, I'm not gonna try to force you into doing what I wish you would. Just know that I'm here for you every day, every night - ready to support, help, talk to or whatever you'd like. And the day you'll be ready to take in the knowledge, I will gladly tell you and help you understand. But just know this: I am not gonna judge you, I am not gonna blame you, and I am not gonna leave you. Even if you say you don't need me, I'll still be the one picking up the phone at 3 AM ready to listen and understand. A lot of people will listen, but only a few of them will understand.
You know you've got me - never be afraid to use it. I won't ask for anything in return, cause you've already given me so much.

Yours truly
Kiri Rehmeier