Letter Challenge Day 14

A letter to someone you've drifted away from.

Dear André

We were like brother and sister once. We spend so many hours together when we were kids. We both had a fantasy which could bring the most of fun out of nothing. All the countless hours of playing in the garden with the little ones. Hide and seek, jumping on the trampoline, imaginary games, and swimming in the pool. Those childhood memories..

When you got sick, I spend countless hours worrying for you. Back then I looked at you as my brother, and watching you in pain was hard. After all we were just kids. I remember the party you threw when you had your last medication - I kissed you on the cheek, and I was so happy. So happy you wouldn't believe it. Unfortunately from that day on, we began to see each other less and less.

I often wondered how you were. How far you'd come in your life. I hadn't spoken with you for years, before Judas came along. We talked a little, and I found out how far you've come. I know it sounds corny to say that I'm proud, but I am. I think it's fantastic to see how far you've come. I'm glad that you're doing good. Really glad.

Rock on bro
Kiri Rehmeier

Letter Challenge Day 13

A letter to someone you wish could forgive you.

Dear ED

We were the best of friends for years, and I spend all my time with you - every waken hour. At first you seemed like the answer to all my problems, and we had our little secrets. We did everything together, and every time you were a little distant, I kept thinking these thoughts no matter what situation I was in: "What would Ana do?" "What would Ana say?" .. I did it all because you meant so much, and I didn't ever wanna let you down. For years I did everything I could to make you happy.. But the thing is Mia-Ana... You were never happy? And since you we're never happy, I was never happy. Your feelings affected me so much, they became my feelings. Sometimes I miss you. Sometimes I just want to give it all up, ask you for forgiveness and be friends again. But I know better now.

I spend 4 years of my life trying to make you happy. It took me 4 years to figure out the fact that it was YOU who made me miserable. The truth is that you stole my life. My youth. After I stopped listening to you I became more and more like a person again. I found myself again, cause during those 4 years, I hadn't been me - I was you. You lived through me. You abused me, and used me to for fill your purposes and dreams.

All the girls out there wanting to be your friend... They're making the biggest mistake of their lives INVITING you into it. I mean honestly, you don't bring along anything good. Your purpose is to destroy other people's lives. To kill. You made me feel like I wasn't worthy of anything. That I wasn't good enough for anyone or anything. You almost made me kill myself. I was unhappy every day because of you. I still am. It's your fault that I got my depression in the first place.

But today I know better. I know you from the inside out, you shallow bitch. You are the worst friend one could have. You are the friend that want's to hurt others. The kind of friend that puts your pain onto others.

I have a tattoo on my hand. A tattoo which will remind me every day for the rest of my life, that we were friends, but that I am stronger than you are. I won. I will always win.

Never again

Kiri Rehmeier

- This blog is dedicated to all the little girls out there wanting to be your friend. So stupid. So naive. 

3 good things - Day 3

Three good things about today.

• Dad fixed my chair and my headphones.

• I had a long talk with Judas.

• I spend time with my parents, talking and having coffee with them is lovely.

3 good things - Day 2

Someone from my spanish
class wears these ultra
gay shoes. Had to take a
picture of them.

Three good things about today:
..

• I am home.

• I got further with my drawing of Judas.

• I'm gonna clean my room, so it'll be a good thing when it's clean.

That's all for today. As you might have guessed already, it hadn't been such a good day, since I haven't got any better thing to tell you. 

3 good things - Day 1

Three good things about today:

• I'm gonna spend time with Nathalie. She's staying at my place tonight. 

• I brought coffee to school today. It has been lovely to have coffee for most of the day.

• I'm drawing on a tattoo which I think I might want to have done. Think I'm gonna get it in september or october. 

Hunting happiness

I saw a program on DR2 last night, called "The Pessimists". It's about 8 pessimistic people, who has to do different tasks and take courses, in their way to happiness. This week they were  given a task called "a grateful diary". Every day of this week they'll have to write down three things which they are thankful for. My mum and I thought it would be a good idea for me to do it as well, since I'm a huge pessimist, in the search for happiness. So this week I'm gonna blog every day, about three things which I am grateful for.

Oh lord...

Have you ever woken up, then wished you hadn't? That you could just fall asleep and never wake up again? How about waking up, go to the mirror and think: "This is gonna be another sucky day."? ... Yes, I'm having one of those days today. Gonna drive to school now. Cya...

Letter Challenge Day 12

A letter to the person you hate the most / caused you a lot of pain.

Wow.. This is a tough one. The whole 'hate'-thing has been a big part of my life. There have been many many times where I simply just hated everyone. But the deal is that the person I hate the most is myself. But I'm not gonna write a letter to myself. When I was 14 my depression started, and I'm gonna tell the story of what happened back then. I'm gonna paint the scenario that got me into this shit.


When I was 12 I moved to another school. At my new school I got a really really good friend. We had the best friendship, and we were together after school almost every day. I'm gonna call her S. 
We were the best of friends for about two years, and then at the age of 14 we had to move to another school across the street. The new school was for eighth, ninth and tenth grade only. So we were now eighth graders. The classes were mixed from five different schools, but S and I got in the same class. We started hanging out with two other girls and we enjoyed hanging out together all four. As time passed by S started hanging more and more out with one of the girls, lets call her M. The last girl and I was sort of pushed out of the group, but we didn't like each other, so we didn't spend any time together. The problem was not that M and S got a closer friendship. The dilemma was that M hated me. So since M didn't like me, S started to forget about me. Within a few months we didn't spoke to each other anymore.


Every day on my way home from school, I cried my eyes out before I got home. When I got home my mum would ask "how was school?", and I'd answer "fine" or "as usual". I'd go to my room and waste my life away on websites trying to get a social network. 
I became depressed and fell into an eating disorder as well. I wrote poems and songs and cried to all sad music I could find. S only talked to me if we were put in the same group at school. In my head I cursed her and M every day. This scenario started the riot, that made several years of my youth into a living hell. 
Somehow I blame them. But my social skills were as low as possible, and I was unable to make friends or make people like me. So I guess it's my own fault. But still I will always hate them. Because of what they did to me. The worst kind of bullying is the mental kind, and when people pretend you don't exist, you are being bullied mentally. 
So here goes..


Dear S


I hope the rest of your life will be shit. 
The day you end up like your mother, living in a shitty house, having three kids with three different men, and you end up fat and lonely - I am gonna look at you and let my eyes tell you this: "How does it feel to be a social loser and a complete failure?"


Truly
Kiri Rehmeier, the friend you forgot

I know, I know..

Will I ever get over losing you? I know what people think, but that doesn't change how I feel.. Normally I'm pretty fast to get over relationships, but this time it takes longer than ever. Maybe it's because the start wasn't even over before the end. Was it that there was no real ending, but just a goodbye? Maybe because I never wanted it to end.. Why does everything wonderful have to come to an end..?

I gotta admit...

5 confessions

These are a few of my "confessions". Stuff that is me, but I don't tell people really.

- I can't fall for a guy unless he's got that certain wildness in his eyes...
- I always fall for thin guys with blue eyes.
- I have a secret weakness for gingers.
- I can (and will) eat a whole bucket of Ben&Jerry's for myself.
- I fear the winter.

Goals of the month

I got inspired from a post on my friend, Xenia's Blog. She announced that she want's to write down her goals for the month, and I thought that was a really good idea. So I thought I'd do the same. (:

August goals:

- Move the furniture in my room around.
- Have the best Skanderborg Festival ever.
- Get a good start at school.
- Learn how to bake black bread.
- Start on my new job, and do it well.
- Get at least 10 on my written danish/history assignment!
- Get moving with the 30 day letter challenge.